
T. S. DENI50N & COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Partial List off Successful and Popular Plays. Large Cataloeue Free. 
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Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

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Her Honor, the Mayor, 3 acts, ' 

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T.S.DENISON & COMPANY,Publishers,154 W.Randolph St.. Chicago 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR 



A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS 



BY 

MARY MODENA BURNS, A. M. 

AUTHOR OF 

'Good Things for Sunday Schools," ''Educational 
Exercises,'' Etc. 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



HER HON OR TH E MAYOR 

CHARACTERS. 

Lester Parmenter Candidate for Mayor, 

IVho Becomes the Mayors Husband 

Hon. Mike McGoon Political Boss, 

IVJio Becomes the Hired Girl 

Clarence Greenway Eve's Brother, 

Who Becomes the Village Groom 

Eve Greenway Lester's Fiancee, 

Who Becofnes the Mayor 

Mrs. McNabb Widozv and Suffragette, 

Who Becomes a Naz'al OMcer 

Doris Denton An Athletic Bud, 

Who Becomes the Fire Chief 

Rosalie Myers Her Chum, 

Who Becomes a Millionaire 

Eliza Goober The "Cidlud" Cook, 

Who Becomes Chief of Police 

Several Suffragettes. 
Note to Manager : Eliza may be played by a man if 
desired, but it has been successfully played by a lady. 

Time — The Day After Tomorrow. 

Place — Your Home Town. 

Time of Performance — Two Hours. 

The entire action of the play occurs in the living room of 
Eve Greenway's suburban home on a morning in March. 

Act 1. Running for Office. 

Act 2. When Women Rule. 

Act 3. Her Lord and Master. 

The curtain will be lowered for a few moments during 
Acts 1 and 3, to indicate a slight lapse of time. 

Notice — Production of this play is free to amateurs, but the sole 
professional rights are reserved by the author, who may be addressed 
in care of the Publishers. 

^ COPYRIGHT, 1916, BY EBEN H. NORRIS. ■-^^'* 

S)GI,D 45199 2 4! ^ n>'- 

OCT 18 1916 7 ""^ 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 



THE STORY OF THE PLAY. 

Her Honor the Mayor is intended to be a good-natured 
satire on the woman's rights question, neither for nor 
against the movement, but written for the sole purpose 
of providing a Httle fun as a two hours' relaxation for 
the tired business man or business woman. Eve Greenway, 
a wealthy young lady, is engaged to Lester Parmenter, who 
is a candidate for mayor of the town. The newspaper 
announces that Lester is to make a speech denouncing 
the suffragists, and three of their number call on Eve 
in their indignation. Eve is equally indignant and joins 
their party. She tells Lester that he must choose between 
her and his party, if they insist on him making the anti- 
suffrage speech. Mr. McGoon, his political manager, ar- 
rives and tells him that he must make the speech, promising 
that if he does so he w^ill be sure of election. Lester re- 
fuses and even declares his intention of making a speech 
favoring the cause. McGoon steals the anti-suffrage speech 
and determines to make it himself. But how shall he keep 
Lester away from the meeting? He determines to drug 
him and hires Eliza Goober, the "cullud" hired girl, to do 
the work. By a mistake Eve herself drinks the drug and 
falls asleep. 

The rest of the play is Eve's dream. She dreams that 
she and Lester are married and that she has been elected 
mayor of the town. The men have been deprived of the 
ballot and the second act shows them doing the work for- 
merly done by the women. Lester is housekeeper and 
McGoon the hired girl. Eliza Goober is now the Chief of 
Police. Her Honor the Mayor allows herself to be bribed 
and thus puts herself in the power of Lieutenant McNabb 
of the good ship Susan B. Anthony, who is the villain of 
the play. Lieutenant McNabb proposes to Eve's brother 
Clarence and is about to expose Eve when she is thwarted 
by the brave and noble Chief of the Fire Department, 
formerly Miss Doris Denton. 

The Fire Chief is kidnapped, however, and the wedding 



4 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

of Clarence and Lieutenant McNabb approaches. Clarence 
is in despair, but the Fire Chief escapes and elopes with 
Clarence to Italy. The Lieutenant orders the arrest of the 
Mayor and then Eve awakens and finds it was all a dream. 

SYNOPSIS OF THE PLAY. 

Act 1. — A morning in March. Eve's suburban villa. 
Three indignant suffragists. "I tell you, girls, the more a 
woman sees of a man, the more she likes a bulldog." Eve 
joins the cause of woman's rights. "I'll show you how a 
weak," clinging vine can tame a mere man." Lester Par- 
menter. Eve's fiance and candidate for Mayor, is tamed. 
The political boss has a tilt with the leader of the suffra- 
gettes. *Tf a woman is a rag, a bone and a hank of hair, 
then man is a jag, a drone and a tank of air!" The boss 
bribes the "cullud" hired girl to drug Lester. Eve dreams 
she has been elected Mayor. 

Act 2.- — Eve's dream. Women are making the laws and 
men are making the beds. "I've been darning stockings like 
a dutiful husband." Lester asks his wife for a little money. 
"What did you do with that dollar and a half I gave you 
last week?" Clarence is insulted by Mrs. McNabb and is 
rescued by Doris Denton, the brave Fire Chief. Rosalie 
bribes the Mayor. A "cullud" Chief of the Police. Mrs. 
McNabb proposes to Clarence. "I still hold the winning 
card." A duel for the documents. "Saved, saved !" 

Act 3. — Eve still dreams. Clarence's wedding day. Mike 
demands the ballot for men. "We have to pay taxes and 
why shouldn't we be allowed the ballot ? Votes for Men !" 
The elopement of Clarence. Eliza arrests Mike, but he 
produces the "collateral" and is set free. "Officer, do your 
duty." Her Honor the Mayor is arrested. Eve awakes 
and learns that it was all a dream. 



COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS. 

Lester — A business man of thirty. Small mustache. 
Black cutaway coat, gray trousers, white vest, white spats, 



HER HOXOR THE MAYOR. •S 

gray gloves and tie, top hat. Cane. Act 2 : White trousers, 
pmk silk cap, dainty apron trimmed with pink. Pink bow 
tie. Act 3, Scene 1: Gray trousers of Act 1. Shirt of 
Act 1. Large black sash. Act 3, Scene 2: Same as Act 1. 
Mike— Portly man of forty-five, with Irish accent. Loud 
checked suit, spats, red vest, large watch, chain and charm, 
derby hat, red satin puff tie. Cane. Red face with black 
drooping mustache. Walks with a swagger. Act 2 : AVhite 
trousers, sport shirt, green bow tie, white lace cap with 
green bow, large gingham apron. Act 3, Scene 1 : Trousers, 
spats, shirt, etc., same as Act L Gingham apron (to be 
taken off when he leaves). Cap as in Act 2 to be changed 
for red tam and red parasol. Act 3, Scene 2: Same as 
Act L 

Clarence — Small man of twenty. *'Dude" part. Act 1 : 
Sporty college clothes, very small cap, etc. Act 2 : White 
suit, Panama hat with gaudy band, silk shirt, blue silk sash, 
blue Buster Brown tie, hat trimmed with blue satin and 
long white feather, wrist watch, blue stockings, small vanity 
case. Act 3, Scene 1 : Same as Act 2, but white sash and 
tie. Wedding veil. Act 3, Scene 2 : White suit and cap. 

Eve— Aged twenty. Act 1 : Fluffy pink dress. Act 2 : 
Dark tailor-made dress, derby hat, dark coat, man's shirt, 
collar and tie. Cane. Act 3, Scene 1 : Same as Act 2. 
Act 3, Scene 2: Slip the costume of Act 1 over the costume 
of Act 2. This should be done in a hurry. 

Mrs. McNabb— Aged fifty. Eyeglasses throughout. Hair 
powdered and parted. Act 1 : Dark mannish suit, hat and 
umbrella. Act 2: White duck skirt, coat cut like naval 
lieutenant's, shoulder straps, brass buttons, belt and sword. 
Act 3 : Same as Act 2. 

Doris— Aged nineteen. Pretty walking dress and hat. 
Act 2: Dark blue suit, brass buttons, fireman's helmet, 
etc. Act 3 : Same as Act 2. 

Rosalie— Aged eighteen. White walking dress and hat, 
very elaborate. Act 2: Tailor made suit. Neat mannish 
hat. Cane. Act 3: Same as Act 1. 

Eliza— Negro character, made up very fat. Black 



6- HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

gloves. Kinky wig, dressed high. Cahco dress, white apron 
with bib. Cap with yellow bow. Do not suggest the "old 
mammy" type, but rather the up-to-date "cuUud" domestic. 
Act 2 : Policeman's coat, helmet, badge, white gloves and 
stick. Act 3, Scene 1 : Same as Act 2. Act 3, Scene 2 : 
Same as Act 1. This character may be played by a man. 



PROPERTIES. 

Act 1. 

Three newspapers. 

Handbell on table. 

Manuscript speech for Lester. 

Small cup of coffee and plate of cakes on tray. 

Small bottle for Mike. 

Waste basket under table. 

Act 2. 

Long pink stocking for Lester. 

Work basket with needle and thread. 

Rolling pin for Mike. 

Quarter (coin) for Eve. 

Cane and leather bag for Rosalie. Bag contains elaborate 

box of candy. 
Sword for Mrs. McNabb. 
Poker at fireplace. 
Police club for Eliza (made of brown cloth, stuffed with 

cotton). 

Act 3. 

Wedding veil for Clarence. 

Pins for Lester. 

Wedding wreath for Mike. 

Box of chocolates (same as used in Act 2). 

Red parasol. 

Brooch in leather box. 

Small purse for Mike. 



HER HOXOR THE MAYOR. 



STAGE SETTING. 



/PHall-tree\ 
■^ — Center ^ 



O Chair "^o""" Chair O Flre-place\ 

(not essential)) 

Door to Sofa_ Table ^oor 

Kitchen ^ 



Citchen C=3 R^^k, Chair xt IZDO Chair "T 
/ Uchair "^ -^ '— -■ ^ . \ 

I Q Waste Basket \ 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of stage; C, center; R.C., right center; 
L., left; 1 E., first entrance; U . E., upper entrance; R. 3 E., 
right entrance, up-stage, etc.; R.D., right door; L.D., left 
door, etc. ; up-stage, away from footlights ; down-stage, 
near footlights. The actor is supposed to be facing the 
audience. 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR 



Act 1, 



RUNNING FOR OFFICE. 

Scene 1 : Elegantly furnished living room in Eve 
Green WAY^s suburban home. Three doors open on the 
stage, one at C, designated as C. D., one at R., leading to 
the kitchen, and one at L., leading upstairs. Carpet down. 
The essential furniture consists of a table down-stage L. C, 
zvith three chairs around it, a sofa at R. with a small chair 
in the R. corner, a hatrack near the C. entrance. Fireplace 
lip L. corner. Neat furniture, palms, jars of vivid flowers, 
curtains, mantel ornaments, pictures, etc., to dress the stage. 
Note: This set shoidd be as elaborate as possible. It is 
used throughout the play. 

Time: 10 a. m. in late March. Lights on fidl through- 
out act. 

Bright music, "There is a Tavern in the Tozvn," or some 
similar selection, played loud and fast. 

Curtain rises disclosing an empty stage. After a slight 
pause the voices of Rosalie Myers, Mrs. McNabb and 
Doris Denton are heard outside at rear. 

Rosalie {outside). It's perfectly absurd to speak of 
women as having no courage. 

Doris. I'd like to tell Lester Parmenter what I think of 
him. 

Mrs. McNabb. No courage ; indeed ! Well, I have cour- 
age enough to meet him face to face and tell him that his 
article is a base and groundless piece of slander. 

They enter from C. D., each with a newspaper'. 

Rosalie {coming dozim R.). If I were Eve Greenway 
I'd break my engagement, 

8 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 9 

Doris (coming dozen L. C). She'd be perfectly justified 
in so doing. He has slandered her as well as the whole sex. 

Mrs. McNabb {coming down C). Certainly. An attack 
upon woman in general is an attack upon each one of us 
individually. 

Doris. And I always thought Lester Parmenter was 
such a nice man. If he makes that speech today, I'll never 
speak to him again. 

Rosalie. I don't see what right he has to rail against 
the women, when he's going to be married next week. 

Mrs. McNabb. Alaybe that's just the reason. 

Doris. At any rate his opinion isn't worth anything. 
He's just trying to get solid with the male vote, that's all. 

Rosalie. Humph ! A pretty Mayor he'd make, wouldn't 
he? Thinking every woman is a coward and a dependent. 
Nice ideas for a man who is candidate for Mayor. 

Mrs. McNabb. He's just like all the rest of the men. 
They think we are poor, weak, clinging vines. Really, the 
truth of the matter is that it is man who is the weak, cling- 
ing vine. But they're ashamed to admit it. Oh, it makes 
me so mad ! I tell you, girls, the more a woman sees of a 
man, the more she likes a bulldog. 

Rosalie. Oh, Mrs. McNabb, you are too hard on the 
men. Do you believe in marriage? 

Mrs. McNabb. Get a dog that growls all morning, a 
parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that stays out 
all night, and you'll know exactly what my opinion of a 
husband is. 

Doris. I wonder where Eve is. (Rings bell on table.) 
Surely she must have seen this article in the paper. I won- 
der what she thinks of her dear Lester now? 

Rosalie. Maybe it's all a newspaper story. I don't 
think Lester intends to make such a speech at all. He has 
too much respect for Eve. 

Mrs. McNabb. Nonsense, \\nien you are as old as I 
am, Rosalie, you'll know that a man will do anything on 
earth to be elected to office. 

Enter Eliza froiii R. 



10 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Eliza (at door R.). Did you all ring de bell? 

Doris. Yes, Eliza, is Eve at home? 

Eliza. Deed an' I dunno. Miss Doris. I's done got 
ma hands in de wash and I hain't seen nothin' ob Miss Eve 
since breakfast. 

Rosalie. See if she's upstairs, please, Eliza. 

Eliza (crossing to L.). Y^as'm, Miss Rosalie, I'll see if 
she's done made her twilight yet. I specks she has, 'cause 
Mr. Parmenter ginerally comes 'long 'bout dis time. I'll 
see if I can find her. (Exits L.) 

Rosalie. Oh, I hope Lester won't come while -we're 
here. It would be so embarrassing. 

Mrs. McNabb. I hope he does. I'll tell him right to 
his face what I think about him. Here he is a candidate 
for Mayor and going to make a speech in the City Hall 
this afternoon on "Why Women Should Not Be Given the 
Ballot." If I see him, he'll listen to a few words on the 
other side of the question. 

Doris (looking at paper). The paper says that Mr. Par- 
menter considers the home as the proper sphere for woman, 
and that she should have no interests outside of her house- 
hold. The very idea ! 

Rosalie (looking at paper). Listen to this. (All read 
papers.) ''Mr. Parmenter's answer to the suffragist's argu- 
ments that women are as brave as men may be summed 
up in two words : Moral bravery as distinct from physical 
bravery." 

Mrs. McNabb. Humph ! I'd have Mr. Lester Parmen- 
ter know that I am just as brave as he is. Some woman 
ought to turn him over her knee and give him a good sound 
spanking. 

Enter Eve from L. 

Eve. Why, Doris! And Mrs. McNabb! And RosaHe! 
{Shakes hands ivith each.) I just learned you were here. 
Won't you sit down. (All are standing immediately in 
front of chairs.) 

Doris, Rosalie and Mrs. McNabb. Thank you. (All 
sit quickly at the same time.) 



HER HOXOR THE ^lAYOR. 11 

Eve (sits at L.). Pleasant day, isn't it? 

Mrs. McNabb {at C). Have you seen the morning 
paper? 

Eve. Yes; I read it at breakfast. 

Doris. Did you read about Mr. Parmenter? 

Eve. Yes, and I must say that I cannot understand his 
attitude at all. 

Mrs. McNabb. His attitude is plain enough. He is 
opposed to womankind. 

Eve. Oh, Pm sure he isn't opposed to all women. 

Rosalie. He thinks we are weak, clinging vines. 

Mrs. McNabb. When I meet him I shall change his 
opinion. He shall learn that Belinda McNabb isn't a weak, 
clinging vine at all. 

Doris. Oh, Eve, can't you persuade him not to make 
that speech ? It would be such a reflection on you. 

Eve. Why on me? 

Doris. Because you have announced your engagement 
to him. Don't you see what a predicament it would place 
you in? 

Eve (slozcly). I never thought of that. 

Rosalie. Of course you aren't a suffragist like we arc, 
but you are a woman. 

Eve. Pm not sure Pm not becoming a suffragist. 

Mrs. McNabb. Is it possible? Oh, won't you sign this 
paper? (Produces book.) Won't you unite with us in 
fighting" our common enemy, man? 

Doris. Of course she won't. Mr. Parmenter wouldn't 
approve. 

Eve. I don't care whether Mr. Parmenter approves or 
not. Give me the book. I'll sign. (Takes book, goes to 
table and signs.) 

Rosalie. You dear ! 

Mrs. McNabb. Now your duty is plain. This makes it 
so much easier. 

Eve (quaking). My duty? 

Mrs. McNabb. Of course. You mustn't allow Mr. 
Parmenter to make that speech against the suffragists. 



12 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Eve. How can I prevent it ? We're not married yet, you 
know. 

Enter Eliza from L. 

Eliza. Mr. Parmenter's done drove up in his car. Shall 
I let him in? 

All (rise). Mr. Parmenter here? 

Eliza. Yas'm; he's here. (Bell rings off stage.) Dat's 
him now. 

Eve. Shall I receive him? 

Doris. Of course. You must convince him that he is 
mistaken. 

Mrs. McNabb. You must persuade him not to make 
any speech against the suffragists. 

Rosalie. And you prove to him that women are not 
weak, clinging vines. 

Eve. ril do it. Eliza, show these ladies into the library. 
You wait in there a few minutes and Ell show you how a 
weak, clinging vine can tame a mere man. 

Eliza (goes to L.). Right dis way, ladies. (Exit L.) 

Mrs. McNabb (at door L.). Remember, you are one of 
us. (Exit L.) 

Rosalie (at door L.). Teach him a lesson he will never 
forget. Make him so tame he will eat right out of your 
hand. (Exit L.) 

Doris (at door L.). And remember that our watchword 
is "Women Shall Rule" and ''Down with the Men!" 
(Exit L.) 

Eve (down R.). Now I'm a suffragette. What next, 
I wonder. 

Enter Eliza from L. 

Eliza. Is you ready for him, Miss Eve? 

Eve (arranges hair, etc.). Yes, Eliza. Bring in the 
victim. 

Eliza (loudly yells out of C. D.). Victim, come on in. 
(Exits C. D.) 

Enter Clarence from R. 
Clarence. I thought I heard the doorbell ring, sis. 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 13 

Eve. Eliza has gone. It is only Mr. Parmenter. 

Clarence. Then, good night! I suppose there isn't 
room for little brother. 

Eve. Miss Denton is in the Hbrary. 

Clarence (delighted). She is? Me for the library. 
(Starts out L.) 

Eve. Wait a minute. Mrs. McNabb is there, too. 

Clarence (at door L., wilts). Good night! 

Eve. Go under the window and whistle. Doris will 
come out and you can show her the new orchids in the 
conservatory. 

Clarence. I'm on. So long, sis. (Runs out R.) 

Enter Lester Parmenter from C. D. 

Lester. Eve ! 

Eve. Good morning, Mr. Parmenter. 

Lester (hurries to her). Why, whatever is the matter? 

Eve. There is nothing the matter. 

Lester. What have I done? Eve, why are you treating 
me like this? 

Eve. I suppose you've read the morning paper. 

Lester. Is it about that woman's rights speech I'm go- 
ing to make? 

Eve. Yes, it is. What right have you to assume that 
all women are weak, clinging vines ? 

Lester. I don't think so. I only use that as a type. 

Eve. And I suppose you are going to say that women 
have no physical bravery at all. 

Lester. Yes, that's one of my arguments. 

Eve. Indeed? (Turns away.) 

Lester. Now listen, Eve. I don't want to make this 
speech, but Mr. McGoon insists on it. You know the sen- 
timent of this town is strongly against woman's rights, and 
think of the votes I'd win if I came out with a sound 
speech on this subject. It's something no other candidate 
has thought of. 

Eve. Perhaps the other candidates do not hold your 
absurd opinions. 



14 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Lester. My opinions aren't absurd. You're an anti- 
suffragist yourself. 

Eve. I was until I read this morning's paper. Now I 
have joined the suffragist party. 

Lester {amazed). Eve! 

Eve. What will people in town say when they learn 
that you have made such a speech ? Everyone knows we're 
engaged. 

Lester. What is there in the speech that you object to? 

Eve. I object to all of it. You say women are not as 
brave as men. 

Lester. Well, are they? 

Eve. Of course they are. 

Lester. Would you go to war? 

Eve. It isn't always the bravest who go to war. How 
about the heart-broken wife or mother who, hiding her 
tears, hands the musket to the soldier and bids him God- 
speed, even though her heart is breaking? Isn't that 
bravery ? 

Lester. Yes, I'll admit that is a certain kind of bravery. 
But when you read my speech in full in tomorrow's paper, 
when I come and explain it to you — 

Eve. I don't think you had better come tomorrow. 

Lester. You mean? {Pause.) 

Eve. I mean that we are not at all suited for one an- 
other. I think woman has just as much right to vote as 
man has. Who dares deny woman the privilege? No one 
but man. And by what right does man claim this privilege ? 
Simply because he has always had it. Is that any argu- 
ment? No, Lester, if you make that speech this afternoon, 
all is at an end between us. 

Lester. Do you mean that you would let a foolis^i little 
speech ruin both of our lives? 

Eve. If it is a foolish little speech, why do you need 
to make it at all ? 

Lester. It's part of my campaign. McGoon would be 
furious if I neglect this opportunity. 

Eve. Yes, and I will be equally furious if you embrace 



HER liOXOR THE MAYOR. 15 

it. Now, which will it be, my opinion or the opinion of Mr. 
Michael McGoon? 

Lester {pleading). Eve! You don't know what this 
means to me. 

Eve. You understand my position exactly. If you make 
that speech I will never look upon you as my friend again. 

Lester. But, Eve — 

Eve. My decision is final, Mr. Parmenter. 

Enter Eliza from C. D. 

Eliza. I begs pardon, Miss Eve, but a man is outside 
and he wants to see Mr. Parmenter at once. 

Lester (/o Eve). Will you excuse me ? 

Eve. No, I will not. You see him here. I'll wait in 
the library. 

Lester. Very well. 

Eve. We've got to have this thing out before you leave 
the house. {Goes to door at L.) If you make that speech 
at the City Hall this afternoon, Mr. Parmenter, I'll hire the 
City Hall and make a speech there myself. Tomorrow Fll 
make a speech on the Rights of Woman. {Exits L.) 

Lester. She'll do it, too. 

Eliza. Shall I show him in here, Mr. Parmenter? 

Lester. Yes, EHza. {Exit Eliza. C. D.) What shall 
I do? It's no use to try to conciliate Eve. When she once 
makes up her mind the Rock of Gibraltar is a mere pebble 
compared to it. 

Enter Eliza, C. D., shozving in Mike. 

Mike McGoon. Ah, good morning, Lester, me boy. I 
have great news for you. 

Lester. What is it? • _ 

Mike. I just got a telegram from the State Committee 
and they want you to come to the Capital and make your 
anti-suffragist speech there. It's great dope. Your elec- 
tion is cinched. 

Lester. I don't think I'll accept, Mike. In fact, I don't 
think I'll make the speech here this afternoon. 



16 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Mike. Won't make the speech, is it? Are you crazy, 
man? Why not? 

Lester. Because I've changed my mind. 

Mike. Nonsense. You were up too late last night and 
you're still dreaming. I tell you that with that speech you 
can win the office in a walk. 

Lester. Isn't there any chance of winning the office 
without the speech? 

Mike. Not the least in the world. 

Lester. Then let the office go. I will not make the 
speech, 

Mike. What! You won't? Then begorfa, I'll make the 
speech for you. 

Lester. Nonsense. If that speech is made it will antag- 
onize every woman in town. 

Mike. What's the difference? The women in this town 
don't get a vote. 

Lester. But I'm going to be married soon and my 
fiancee doesn't want me to make any speech against the 
rights of woman. 

Mike. I'd like to see any woman dictate to me. I be- 
lieve in the rights of man, and the first right of man is to 
see that his wife loves, honors and obeys him. 

Lester. You don't know what you are talking about. 
Mr. McGoon, my mind is fully made up. I will not make 
any speech that will antagonize my future wife. 

Enter Eve from L. 

Eve. Oh, I beg your pardon. 

Lester. Eve, let me present Mr. McGoon, my campaign 
manager. 

Mike {at R. C). Pleased to meet you. 

Lester (dozvn R.). I have just been telling Mr. McGoon 
that I would not make that speech this afternoon. 

Eve (down L.). You have? {Delighted.) And what 
does Mr. McGoon say to that? 

Mike. Mr. McGoon says it's a shame. Why, that speech 
would mean that Parmenter has the office cinched. 

Eve. If Mr. Parmenter can't cinch the office without 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 17 

making such a speech, it is better that the office remained 
uncinched. 

Mike. But it's poHtical suicide for him, so it is. If 
he gets to he mayor of the town, sure that is only a step- 
ping-stone to the legislature. Maybe he'll be governor some 
day. 

Eve. If he can win without sacrificing his integrity, 
it is well. But he must not say anything against the suf- 
fragists. 

Mike. And I say he must. If he don't make that 
speech, I'll make it meself. 

Enter Mrs. McNabb and Rosalie from L. 

Eve. Come in, ladies. Mr. Parmenter has decided not 
to make the speech. 

Mrs. McNabb. Then three cheers for Mr. Parmenter. 

Eve. But Mr. McGoon says he's going to make the 
speech himself. 

Mrs. McNabb (at L. C, speaks mitheringly) . And pray 
who is Mr. McGoon? 

Mike. I am Mr. McGoon, if you please. 

Eve. Oh, yes. Mrs. McNabb, Mr. McGoon. 

Mike. You are a suffragette, I take it. 

Mrs. McNabb. You are right, sir ; I am a leader of the 
suffragettes. I have just returned from a Correspondence 
School, where I smashed every window in the institution. 

Rosalie (at L., between Mrs. McNabb and Eve). And 
why did you do that, Mrs. McNabb? 

Mrs. McNabb. Because all their signs said, "We Teach 
Through the Mails." I changed the signs. Now they read, 
'*We Teach Through the Females." 

Rosalie (applauding). Good! 

Mrs. McNabb. I believe in equal rights. I believe that 
every woman should receive a man's wages. 

Mike. Sure, they do. Me wife receives mine every 
Saturday night. 

Mrs. McNabb. And woman should have the ballot. On 
election day her place is at the polls. 



18 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Mike. It is. At the North Pole and the South Pole. 

Mrs. McNabb. The time is not far distant when women 
will make the laws and men — ■ 

Mike. Men will make the beds, I suppose. 

Mrs. McNabb. You are right. On election day in the 
future women will sweep the country and men will be at 
home sweeping the floor. 

Eve and Rosalie (applaud). Hurrah! 

Mike. What is woman, anyhow? Kiphng says she is 
a rag, a bone and a hank of hair. 

Ladies (indignantly). Oh! 

Mrs. McNabb. Well, what is man? A jag, a drone and 
a tank of air. And hot air at that. If it were not for a 
woman, where would man be today? 

Mike. Back in the Garden of Eden, happy all day, 
picking strawberries. 

Mrs. McNabb. And you think woman has not the 
courage of man. That's what Mr. Parmenter was going 
to say in his speech. Woman is far braver than man. Let 
me tell you right now that I am not afraid of man or beast. 

Mike. Rats ! 

Mrs. McNabb (jumping in rocking-chair at L. C). 
Where? Where? 

Eve. Did you really see a rat? 

Mike. Not at all. I just saw a sample of that lady's 
courage. 

Mrs. McNabb (jumping down). Oh, I'd Hke to tell you 
what I think of you. 

Mike. It isn't necessary. Me wife does that. 

Mrs. McNabb (crosses to Lester). Mr. Parmenter, I 
want to thank you, in behalf of all womankind, for refus- 
ing to make that speech. 

Lester (takes manuscript from pocket). Here's the 
speech. Now see what I'm going to do with it. (Tears 
it once across and throws it in waste basket.) 

Mrs. McNabb. Hurray! 

Mike. Good-night! That manes that you won't be 
elected. 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 19 

Mrs. McNabb (turns and gives Mike a withering look). 
It means that he is a man and a gentleman. Come, RosaHe, 
we must be going over to the committee rooms. We've done 
a great bit of work this morning. (Crosses to C. D., Rosa- 
lie follows.) 

Lester. By George, I think I will make a speech this 
afternoon, after all. 

Ladies (alarmed). You will? 

Mike (delighted). That's the boy! 

Lester. I'll make a speech, but it will be a speech that 
will rouse the town. I'll speak in favor of suffrage. 

All. What! 

Lester. And if I'm not elected — well, at least my future 
wife will approve of my sentiments. 

Mrs. McNabb. Perfectly splendid. Good morning. 
Eve, I am so glad you have enlisted beneath the yellow ban- 
ner. (Exits C. D. with Rosalie.) 

Eve (hurries after them). Just a moment, Mrs. Mc- 
Nabb. (Exits CD.) 

Mike (at L. C). Now you have got your foot in it. 

Lester. I don't care whether I'm elected or not. I'll 
stand by my convictions. 

Eve (appears at CD.). Oh, Lester, Mrs. McNabb wants 
you for a moment. She wants to give you some pointers 
on your speech. (Exit C D.) 

Lester. Just wait here a moment, McGoon. (Exit 
C D.) 

Mike (goes to basket and takes up the speech). Begorra, 
I'll read the speech meself. 

Enter Eliza from L. 

Eliza. Oh, is you here yet? 

Mike. I am. Say, how would you like to make five 
dollars ? 

Eliza. How can I make five dollars, boss ? 

Mike. If you can keep Mr. Parmenter away from the 
meeting at the City Hall this afternoon I'll give you five 
dollars. 

Eliza. What you want me to do — assassinate him? 



20 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Mike. I wonder if you couldn't put him to sleep a while. 
• Eliza. No, sah ; I ain't dat kind ob a girl. 

Mike. I have it. (Gives her small bottle.) Put a few 
drops of this in a cup of coffee and give it to Mr. Parmen- 
ter. It won't harm him at all. It will only make him sleep 
for three or four hours. Can you do it ? 

Eliza. No, sah. I ain't gwine to put 710 man to sleep. 

Mike (zvaves five-dollar bill under her nose). Not even 
for five dollars? 

Eliza. Is you got six dollars ? 

Mike. Yes. There's another bill. Now just take the 
bottle and put three drops in a cup of coffee and then I 
guess Mr. Parmenter won't make any speech in favor of 
woman's rights. 

Eliza. Gimme de money. (Takes it.) Now gimme 
de bottle. (Takes it.) Is you sure I won't git arrested for 
highway robbery for dis? 

Mike. Not at all. It's perfectly safe. And remember; 
not a word to anyone. Hush ! They're coming back. 

Eliza (crosses to door at L.). My, I'se gettin' to be a 
regular movin' picture heroine. Don't worry, boss. I'll 
make dat man sleep so sound dat he won't never know he 
is sleeping. (Exit L.) 

Enter Lester and Eve from C. D. 

Lester. It's all settled, Mike. I've gone over to the 
other side. 

Mike. Well, it's your own lookout. But don't blame 
me if 3^ou don't get elected. That's all. Good morning. 
(Exits CD.) 

Lester. I'd better go over to the office and begin on my 
speech right away. 

Enter Eliza with coffee and cake on tray. 

Eliza. I's jes' fixed up a little lunch for you, boss. 
Lester. I haven't time now. I've got some great ideas 
and I must hurry and write them down. 

Eve. Les, you are a darling. (They go out C. D.) 
Eliza (puts tray on table). Land sakes! Now I's got to 



•HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 21 

give dat man his six dollars back. Mm! And I was jes' 
beginning to feel like a millionaire. (Exit L.) 

Enter Eve from C. D. 

Eve. Wasn't that dear of Lester? Now who says a 
woman cannot influence a man's political views. (Sees 
coffee on table.) He didn't even stop for Eliza's lunch. 
(Drinks coffee.) That's good. (Eats cake.) And now 
I'm a suffragette. (Rises.) Isn't it funny? I never dreamed 
I'd take up the yellow banner. T suppose I'll be as enthu- 
siastic as the rest of them, making speeches and breaking 
windows. (Yazvns.) How sleepy I am. (Crosses to sofa 
at R.) I wonder if the women ever will get into power. 
(Sits on sofa.) Just fancy having a woman mayor and 
chief of police and everything. Maybe the time will come 
when I'll be elected to an office. (Yazvns.) I've a good 
notion to take a little nap. (Reclines on sofa.) Wouldn't 
it be funny if I were elected mayor instead of Lester. 
Awfully — awfully — funny ! (Sleeps.) 

Slow Curtain. 

Scene 2 : Same as Scene \. The curtain is lozvered hut a 
few seconds. Eve is discovered asleep on the sofa down R. 

Eve (aivakens). Eliza! Eliza! 

Enter Eliza from R. 

Eliza. Yas, ma'am. Here I is. 

Eve. Where is my husband? 

Eliza. He's upstairs putting de children to bed. 

Eve. I must have dropped asleep. Have you voted yet. 
Eliza? 

Eliza (at C). Yes, ma'am. I's done voted four times. 
And Fs influenced eb'ry cullud lady in our church to vote 
three or four times, and eb'ry last vote was for you. Yas, 
ma'am, you sure is gwine to be de next mayor ob dis town. 

Eve. Was there any excitement at the polls? 

Eliza. Excitement ? Dere sure was. I nebber seen such 
a fight in all my born days. It was worse'n a dozen bar- 



22 HER HONOR THE MAYOR; 

gain sales at de five and ten, cent stores. 'Bout 'leven hun- 
dred ladies done got scratched in de face and 'bout 'leven 
thousand more done lost 'bout half ob their hair. But de 
biggest excitement was when some men come along and 
tried to vote. 

Eve. Why, how preposterous. Of course they weren't 
allowed to vote, were they? 

Eliza. No, ma'am. De lady policeman arrested 'bout 
thirty-five of 'em. What does men know 'bout poHtics. 
It ain't their sphere. 

Eve. Certainly not. They should be content with the 
simpler problems of domestic life. 

Eliza. Say, Miss Eve, we certainly has had a powerful 
lot ob visitors. Seems like every lady in town wants to get 
you to 'point her to some political office, in case you does 
get elected. 

Eve. I know it. You mustn't let anyone in until the 
returns are all in. 

Eliza. Dey's some wants to be policeman and dey's 
some wants to be on de fire department, but most all ob 
'em wants to be de Superintendent of Schools. One ob 
'em is outside now, jes' waiting to see you. 

Eve. Who is it, Eliza? 

Eliza. It's Miss Doris Denton. I told her dat you was 
indisposed, but she say she gwine to wait till you is dis- 
posed. And dere she sets in my kitchen. 

Eve. Well, Doris is such an old friend, I think I had 
better see her. You may tell her to come in. 

Eliza. Yas'm, I'll tell her. But dis here job is gettin' 
too sanctimonious for me. It sure is. I wish you could 
get me a position workin' for de government. 

Eve. What position would you like, Eliza? 

Eliza. I dunno jes' exactly what. Has you got such a 
job as a chicken inspector, or sumpin' like dat? 

Eve (laughs). I'm afraid not. But show Doris in here. 

Eliza. Yas'm. (Ci'osses to door at R.) I certainly 
would like to be Chief ob Police. Dat would jest about suit 
de official satisfaction ob my nature. (Exit R.) 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 23 

Eve. I wonder how the vote is going. Oh, I'd die of 
disappointment if Emily Blair was elected mayor. {Cross 
to L.) I'm so nervous I don't know what to do. 

Enter Doris from R. 

Doris. Oh, I'm so glad you consented to see me. (Shakes 
hands.) You are as good as elected already. Every girl 
in our crowd is pulling for you like hot cakes. 

Eve. And I owe it all to you, Doris. 

Doris. I've been wondering if you'd made your selec- 
tion yet for the city officers? All the girls want to be a can- 
didate for the Chief of Police. What do you think about 
it, dear? 

Eve. I hardly know. You see I'm not elected yet. 

Doris. Oh, the returns will all be in in about half an 
hour. Don't you think I'd make a good policeman? 

Eve. Why do you want to be a policeman? 

Doris. So I can arrest any man I please. And I'd just 
love to uplift the moral standard of our city. 

Enter Eliza from R. 

Eliza (at door at R.). 'Scuse me, Miss Eve, but Miss 
Rosalie Myers wants to see you a little while. Is you in, or 
is you out ? 

Eve (at L.). I'm in. Tell Rosalie she can come right in. 
(Exit Eliza at R.) 

Doris (at R. C). But you haven't promised me, Eve. 

Eve. I won't make any promises until after I'm elected. 

Enter Rosalie from R. 

Rosalie (goes to Eve and shakes hands). 0,h,, Eve, I 
just came from the polls. 

Eve. How is the election going? 

Rosalie. You'll win in a walk. Oh, you dear! (Hugs 
her.) 

Eve. You know Miss Denton ? 

Rosalie (turns). Why, sure. Hello, Doris. 

Doris (distantly). How do you do. 

Rosalie. I just dropped in for a minute, Eve. I wanted 



24 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

to let you know how hard I've worked for you, and when 
you're elected I want to be the Chief of Police. 

Doris (surprised). What? 

Rosalie (eagerly to Eve). I've thought of the loveliest 
uniform to introduce. White satin with gold buttons and 
navy blue straps. Please, Eve, don't appoint anyone else 
Chief of Police. I can be that, can't I ? 

Eve (at L.). I hardly know, Rosalie. I won't promise 
anything until all the returns are in. Maybe I'll put my 
husband in as Chief of Police. 

Doris. A man? 

Rosalie. Not a man? 

Doris. Why, that would be absurd. 

Rosalie. Perfectly absurd. 

Doris. And besides he's your relation. 

Rosalie. And it's against the law to appoint one of 
your relatives. 

Doris. Certainly it is. 

Rosalie. And we want a woman anyhow. 

Doris. We've had enough of man's rule. 

Rosalie. And it would be breaking the law to appoint 
your husband. 

Doris. It certainly would. 

Eve. Oh, it would, would it? Then I'll repeal the law. 
I'll make some new laws. What's the good of being Mayor 
of a town if you can't make the laws to suit yourself? 

Doris (angrily). Very well, Eve Parmenter, if that's the 
way you feel about it, I'm sorry I voted for you. (Exits 
C. D.) 

Rosalie. And so am I. I thought we were friends, but 
I see now that you were only using me to win your election, 
and I hope you're defeated. So there! (Exits C. D.) 

Enter Clarence from L. 

Clarence. Wasn't that Doris Denton who just went 
out of the gate? 

Eve (at C). Yes, it was. 

Clarence (at L.). She acted as if she were angry. 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 25 

Eve. I suppose she was. She said she was sorry she 
voted for me. 

Clarence. Oh, sister, you mustn't make Doris angry. 
She's such a sweet girl. 

Eve. She wanted me to appoint her Chief of PoHce. 

Clarence. Well, why didn't you? 

Eve. I don't intend to allow anyone to dictate to me. 
I'll make my own appointments. 

Clarence. I think you might have appointed Doris for 
my sake. I think she'd make a lovely Chief of Police. 
{Goes to door at L.) Sister, I'm real provoked with you. 
{Exit L.) 

Enter Eliza from C. D. 

Eliza. Dat Mis' McNabb out dere, and she wants to 
see you on business. Is you in, or is you out? 

Eve {dozvn R.). Tell her to come in. You have to 
handle Mrs. McNabb with gloves. 

Eliza. I'd like to handle her with a pair ob boxing 
gloves. I ain't got no use for dat woman ; she's too perpen- 
dicular superciHous. {Exit C. D.) 

Enter Lester from L. 

Lester. Oh, Eve, come quick. Baby has swallowed a 
safety pin. At least, I think she has. At any rate, I can't 
find the pin and she's crying awfully. 

Eve {hurrying to L.). Great heavens! Telephone to the 
doctor at once. Haven't you any sense of responsibility 
at all? Oh, these men, these men! {Runs out L. follozved 
by Lester.) 

Enter Eliza, C. D., followed by Mrs. McNabb. 

Eliza. Come right in ; she's here. {Looks around.) No, 
she ain't. 

Mrs. McNabb. I thought Mrs. Parmenter v/as here. 

Eliza. Dat's jes what I thought, too. But she's done 
evaporated. 

Mrs. McNabb {sits at R.). I'll wait until she returns. 

Eliza. Yas'm, dat's right ; make yourself at home. 

Mrs. McNabb. This is a. great day, Eliza. A great day 



26 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

for womankind. At last she is coming into her own. The 
tyrant man has been subdued and we are victorious. 

Eliza {at L.). Is we? 

Mrs. McNabb. No more drudgery for woman. Now 
we'll rule the world. 

Eliza. Yas'm, dat's jes' what I's been wantin'. 

Mrs. McNabb. Henceforth we are the powers that be. 
You must resign your position at once. It is beneath the 
dignity of a woman to be a servant. 

Eliza. Yas'm; dat's jes' what I's gwine to do. 

Mrs. McNabb. In the future the housework will be 
done by the men. We are sisters working in a common 
cause. 

Eliza. Who is? 

Mrs. McNabb. Why, you and T. You are no longer a 
servant. You are the mistress of your fate. And you are 
my companion and sister. 

Eliza. Who, me? 

Mrs. McNabb. Certainly. You must assert your inde- 
pendence. 

Eliza. I didn't know I had an independence. 

Mrs. McNabb. Now, find Eve for me and tell her I am 
waiting. 

Eliza. Who you talking to? * 

Mrs. McNabb. Why, I'm talking to you, Ehza. 

Eliza. I beg your pardon, lady, if you is talking to me, 
my maiden name is Miss Goober. 

Mrs. McNabb. Why, certainly, Eliza — 

Eliza. Only ma familiar friends calls me Eliza. Kindly 
call me Miss Goober. 

Mrs. McNabb (laughs). Oh, very, well, Miss Goober. 
Find Eve and tell her I am waiting to see her. 

Eliza. I's a new woman, I is. 

Mrs. McNabb. Yes, but— 

Eliza. I's gwine to assert my independence. So kindly 
hab de differentiation to address me like a companion and 
a sister. 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 27 

Mrs. McNabb. Oh, very well. Miss Goober, will you 
kindly tell Eve that Mrs. McNabb is waiting. 

Eliza. Is you askin' me as a friend and sister com- 
panion, or is you askin' me as a hired girl? 

Mrs. McNabb. Oh, I suppose I'm asking you as a friend 
and sister. 

Eliza (icith dignity). Dat's right. Very well, sister. 
I'll hab de consumption to inform Mis' Parmenter dat you 
is awaitin' her arrival with unparalleled perspicacity. (At 
door L.) Au reservoir! {Marches out L. tossing her 
head.) 

Mrs. McNabb. Good gracious! If this is the hired girl 
under the new system, give me the old system every time. 

Enter Eve from L. 

Eve. I hope you will pardon me, Belinda ; but Lester 
was just having some trouble with the baby. He thought 
she had swallowed a safety pin and became very much 
wrought up. I found the pin on the floor. Oh, these men, 
these men ! 

Mrs. McNabb. I just came from the polls. I can safely 
prophesy your election. Congratulations, Eve. You are to 
be the next Mayor of (name local town). 

Eve. No, really? 

Mrs. McNabb. There isn't a doubt of it. And you owe 
it all to me. 

Eve. I'm sure you have been a great help to me. I am 
very grateful. 

Mrs. McNabb (coming C). Of course you understand 
that I am Chairwoman of the Committee. And I have a 
wonderful influence here in town. Thousands of women 
vote just as I tell them to. In fact, I could have been elected 
Mayor myself ; but it is such a responsibility. 

Eve. Yes, I'm just beginning to learn what a responsi- 
bility it is. 

Mrs. McNabb. You know I am the leading member of 
the (insert local name) Club, and am the star of the Eastern 
Star, the Imperial Boss of the Daughters of the Rainbow, 



28 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

the K. M. of the K. and L. of H. and the queen bee of the 
Maccabees. 

Eve. Yes, I fully appreciate your importance and dig- 
nity. 

Mrs. McNabb. Now there is nothing modest about me. 
Without my influence, where would you be today? No- 
where. I have made you the Mayor of (insert name of 
town.) And so I think you should allow me to have a say 
in appointing the city officials. 

Eve. I shall certainly be glad of your advice. 

Mrs. McNabb. I thought you would. Now I want 
to name the Chief of the Fire Department, the City Com- 
missioners, the City Council, the School Board, the School 
Superintendent, the City Treasurer, the Municipal Judge 
and the City Attorney. I intend to be the Chief of Police 
myself. Now that isn't too much, is it? 

Eve (sarcastically). Oh, no; certainly not. 

Enter Mike, C. D. 

Mike. The returns are all in and they are beginning to 
count the votes. 

Mrs. McNabb. Good gracious ! I should be at the polls. 
Now, don't worry, Eve. You're elected as sure as shooting. 
(Exit CD.) 

Mike (conies dozvn C). Mrs. Parmenter, mum. 

Eve. Yes, Mr. McGoon, what is it? 

Mike. I'm a politician, mum, and a very influential man 
I was wondering if you could appoint me to a city office. 

Eve. I haven't thought of my appointments yet. 

Mike. I'd like to be the Chief of Police, mum. 

Eve. You would. How many Chiefs of Police am I 
allowed to appoint? 

Mike. Only one. But I'm the man for the job. And 
why? Because I'm Irish, mum — and whoever heard of a 
Chief of Police who wasn't Irish? 

Eve. You go back to the polls and let me know who is 
elected. I'll make my appointments later. 

Mike. Yis, mum. (Goes to C. D.) But remember, I'm 
Irish and I'd be a wonderful Chief of Police. (Exit C. D.) 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. " 29 

Eve (rings bell on table). Eliza! i 

Enter Eliza from R. 

Eliza. Yas'm ; yere I is. 

Eve. Eliza, how would you like to be the Chief of 
Police? 

Eliza. Who, me? 

Eve. Yes, I think you'd make a better policeman than 
any one I know. 

Eliza. Yas'm. I accepts with gratification and pre- 
sumption. I'll start in right now. Who you want me to 
arrest? 

Eve. You may arrest any more office seekers who try to 
disturb me. 

Eliza. I'd like to arrest dat old Mis' McNabb. I'd gib 
her about ninety days on de rock pile, jest 'cause she's so 
supercilious. I don't like her no-how. 

Eve. Neither do I. But I haven't any charge to prefer 
against her. 

Eliza. Oh, dat ain't necessary. If I is the Chief of 
Police, it ain't necessary to hab no charge at all. All you 
got to say is, "Do it !" and it's done done. 

Enter Clarence and Lester from L. 

Clarence. Have you heard about the election yet? 

Eve. No, they are just counting the votes. 

Lester. Oh, I do hope you're elected. What an honor 
to be the husband of the Mayor of (insert name of the 
tozvn). All the other men will be so jealous of me. 

Eve. I've just appointed Eliza as Chief of Police, 

Eliza. Dat's so. You-all better walk chalk now. 'Cause 
if you don't, you's arrested ; dat's all. I ain't goin' to allow 
no injudicious triflin', I shore ain't. 

Lester (down L.). Then I suppose I'll have to get a 
new hired girl. And it's so hard to get servants nowadays. 

Eve. I have an idea. Get Mr. McGoon to be the hired 
girl. Under the new system that will just about suit him. 

Clarence (a^ C Z^.). They're forming a parade. They're 



30 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

coming this way. Oh, sister, you're elected. You're 
elected. 

Lester (down L.). Hurray! 

Eve (down R.). I wonder if I'll have to make a speech. 

Eliza. Let me make a speech for you. I'm a great 
speechmaker. I could recite **The Village Blatksmith" or 
"Asleep at the Switch" for 'em. I's an elocutionist, I is. 
(Band heard in distance.) 

Clarence. Oh, they've got a band. 

Eliza (z'C7y much excited). Dey is? Oh, lawdy, listen 
to de band. Say, I's jes' naturally got to go and march in 
dat procession. I can't make ma feet behave when I listens 
to a big brass band. (Runs out at C. D.) 

Eve (dozvn R.). Oh, what shall I do if they call on 
me to make a speech. (Declaims.) Friends, ladies and fel- 
low citizens. I thank you for this honor. From the depths 
of my heart I thank you. 

Lester (down L., applauds). Hurray! 

Eve. I cannot say that this honor is unexpected, for that 
would not be telling the' truth, and now that the women are 
in power, we will always tell the truth. 

Clarence (at C. D.). Hurray! 

Eve. This is the beginning of a new era, the era of the 
emancipated woman and the subjected man. 

Clarence. Hurray ! They're coming down our street. 

(Band heard nearer playing ''There is a Tavern in Our 
Tozvn!' Women heard singing.) 

Eve. Oh, I'm so nervous I don't know what to do. 
Clarence. They're coming in ; they're coming in. 
(Joins Lester dozvn L.) 

Enter from C. D., Mrs. McNabb, Rosalie, Doris, ten or 
twelve ladies playing on band instruments and finally Eliza 
heating bass drum. (Note: The ladies do not have to play 
the instruments. This may be done behind scenes.) Ladies 
inarch across front of stage, line up facing the audience 
and all sing, Eliza beating bass drum at proper intervals. 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 31 

SUFFRAGETTE SONG. 

Tune: "There is a Tavern in Our Tozvn" 

1. There is a movement going round, going round, 

We've conquered every state and town, state and town. 
And every woman in the land 
Will soon be voting like a man. 

Chorus — 

Down with men, our war-cry ringing, 

As we march let's all be singing. 

For the women they are bound to rule the world, rule 

the world ! 
Then on to vict'ry, on to vic-to-ry, 
We trample down the men and we'll be free, 
To vote and be elected is our cry, 
The suffragettes will do or die. 

2. We want a lady president, president, 

To rule the world is our intent, our intent. 

The lady police will run men in, 

The lady judge will take their tin. {Chorus as before.) 

3. Then forward, sisters, to the fray, to the fray. 

We'll win our battle, yea or nay, yea or nay, 
The men will have to stay at home 
And wash the dishes while we roam! 

(Chorus as before.) 

(All face Eve, who stands doivn R. near footlights.) 

Mrs. McNabb. Mrs. Parmenter, it gives me great pleas- 
ure to announce that you are the future Mayor of (local 
tozvn.) You've been elected by 313 majority. 

Ladies. Hurray ! Three cheers for the new Mayor. 
What's the matter with Parmenter? She's all right! 

Eliza (beats drum). Hurray! 

Mrs. McNabb. Silence! (Takes out paper.) I have 
here the official count. Parmenter received 902 votes, 589 
votes for O'Flynn, 8 recipes for tomato ketchup, 4 wash 
lists and a milliner's bill. So you are elected. 



32 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

All. Hurray ! Speech ! Speech ! Speech ! 

Eliza. Speech! (Beats bass drum.) 

Eve. Friends, ladies and fellow constituents. I cannot 
make a speech. 

All. Yes, yes ; go on. Go on. 

Eve. But I want to thank you one and all for electing 
me your Mayor. I will try to serve you to the best of my 
ability. The influence of woman shall accomplish wonder- 
ful things. We will reform politics, we will reform the 
men, we will reform the city, and our watchword will be, 
Down with Graft 

All (applaud). Hurrah! Down with graft! 

Eve. I shall appoint women to all the city offices and our 
sons and husbands must stay at home and attend strictly 
to their domestic duties. 

All. Hurray ! 

Eliza. Yas'm ; dat's right. Hurray! (Beats bass drum.) 

Mrs. McNabb. Now, ladies, all together; three cheers 
for women and the new administration! (All cheer and 
crozvd around Eve, congratulating her.) 

Curtain. 



Act H. 



WHEN WOMEN RULE. 

Scene: Same as Act 1. Lights on full throughout the 
act. Bright music to take up the curtain. "Home, Szveet 
Home/' played very loud and very fast. End inusic when 
curtain is up. 

Lester is disc ottered seated at R. of table down L. C. 
He zvears a dainty apron, white trousers, silk shirt and pink 
Buster Brozmi tie. He is darning a long pink silk stocking. 
A zvork-basket is on the table near him. 

Lester (singing as he sews, using very long thread and 
long awkzjuard gestures in sewing). 

*'Home, home, sweet, sweet home, 
Be it ever so humble. 
There's no place like home." 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 33 

Enter Mike from R. He wears cook's large gingham 
aj^ron, sport shirt and small white cap zvith green ribbon 
bozv. Carries rolling pin. He stands at door R., arms on 
h ips. 

Mike. • Excuse me, boss, but wh.at'U I be after having 
for dinner? The butcher lady ain't come, nor yet has the 
yun^ girrul from the grocery, and sorry a thing have we 
in the house for dinner, savin' seven cans of condensed 
soup and a bunch of bananys. 

Lester. Is that all, Mike? 

Mike. Sure and it is. 

Lester. Goodness gracious, and I'm so nervous. Tele- 
phone to the grocery at once and order some canned pork 
and beans. The Mayor is so fond of pork and beans. And 
order a peach pie from the bakery. She just adores peach 
pie. 

Mike. Yis, mum. I mane, yis sor. But I have further 
/ to inform you that the clothes line do be broken down and 
all me fine white clothes are soused in the mud. And never 
a stroke of washing will I do at all, at all, until next Chues- 
day. I might be a poor working man a drudgin' in yer 
kitchen, but I'll be a slave for no man, aven if he is the 
Mayor's husband. 

Lester. \^ery well, Mike. Leave the clothes go until 
Tuesday. But telephone for the dinner at once. 

Mike. Yis, mum. I mane, sor. {E.vii R.) 

Lester. If I'd known what the responsibilities of house- 
keeping were, I fear I would have hesitated a long time 
before accepting the proposal of my "wife. Ah, me! {Long 
sigh.) Would that I were single again. 

Music : ''Hail, Hail, the Gang's All Here," or some spir- 
ited march. 

Eve. (outside C). Mike, Mike! Run my car into the 
garage and put in a couple of new spark plugs. 

Mnsic swells as Eve enters CD., takes off coat and hat 
and hangs them on rack. She comes down C. End music. 

Lester, (rising and going C. to her). Darling! 



34 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Eve {sniffing the air). M-m-m! Tobacco smoke! ^r. 
Parmenter, what does th.is mean? 

Lester. I don't know, dear. 

Eve. Have you been smoking again? , 

Lester. No, my dear, I have not been smoking. I re- 
nounced smoking when you made me your husband. It's 
so ungentlemanlylike. No, Eve, I've been darning your 
stockings like a dutiful husband. 

Eve {sits R. on sofa, putting feet in a chair). Oh, I've 
had a beastly day. 

Lester {sewing at L. C). Business worries, dear?' 

Eve. Business is rotten. But it's that French Chocolate 
bill that's worrying me. They are coming for the Mayor's 
signature in half an hour. To sign or not to sign; that is 
the question. 

Lester. What is the French Chocolate bill, dear? 

Eve. They have introduced a bill in the City Council 
to provide each child at school with half a pound of French 
chocolate each day. Of course it is very nourishing, and just 
what the children need ; but the cost to the city will be some- 
thing enormous. But — 

Lester. But what, dear? 

Eve. Oh, you couldn't understand. You don't under- 
stand politics. That's why the men have had their vote 
taken from them. They can't understand the serious things 
of life. 

Lester. Can't you explain it to me? I'll try to under- 
stand. 

Eve. Now, don't bother your pretty little head with mu- 
nicipal affairs. All you have to do is to attend to the house. 
I will run the city. 

Lester. I'm afraid you've been working too hard, dear. 
We haven't had a real cosy chat together since you've been 
elected Mayor. 

Eve. I can't help it. I have to go to the club every 
night to keep in touch with the other women. I have to 
keep in touch with th.e world. And the club is the only 
place — 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 35 

Lester {rising indignantly). The club! That's all you 
think about. The club! What about me? {Pounds chesL) 
Your true and lawful husband. I can't go to any club. Bu 
I have to sit here night after night {anguished tones), night 
after nieht, waiting for you to come home. , 

EvE(W.W)- Oh, cut it out! Don't you see I'm t>red 
Can't you let me have a little peace m niy own house? 1 m 
a tired business man-I mean woman. Don't nag at me all 

*Lestcr {comes to her). Tell me; have I lost my beauty? 
You seem so cold and distant. Am I less attractive now 
than when you took me from my happy home and married 

"" Eve Oh, cut it, cut it. I tell you I've got real troubles 
to think about. Go and tell the cook to get up a good dniner 
for six The Committee are going to dme with me tonight. 

Lestfr Why didn't you let me know before? Do you 
suppose we can get up a dinner for six on the spur of the 
minute ? The cook is threatening to leave as it is. 

Eve Can't you even keep your servants? 1 thought 
when I married you that you could at least manage a house^ 

Lester. You are treating me like a brute. I won t stand 
it I'll leave you. I'll go back to father. 

Eve Well, that's better than bringing father here. 
Whatever happens I will not have a father-in-law in my 

house. ^ ^_ 

Lester. Poor, dear, subdued old man. Now you are 

trying to insult my father. 

Eve Now, Les, don't let us quarrel. I know I was 
hastv. But my business troubles are so great. Forgive me ; 
that's a good boy. And I'll buy you a new fall overcoat 

tomorrow. , 

Lester. And a hat, too. I positively must have a hat. 

The one I'm wearing now is actually a disgrace Im 

ashamed to be seen on the street. It only cost nine dollars. 

I want a large one with a white ostrich plume. 

Eve. Very well. Only don't kick up a row now. Go 

and teil the cook like a good boy. {Crosses to L.) 



36 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Lester. I'll tell him, but I won't answer for the dinner. 
(Crosses to R.) Oh, Eve! (Turns to her.) Could you let 
me have a little money? 

Eve (scozvls). Money? Money? Have you taken leave 
of your senses? 

Lester. Just a little, dear. I need so many things. 

Eve. What did you do with that dollar and a half I gave 
you last week? 

Lester. I had to have some new gloves and my old 
shoes were a disgrace. 

Eve. It seems to me that you get more extrayagant 
every day. I'm not a millionaire, even if I am the Mayor of 
(insert local name of tomn). You must learn the value of 
money. If you had to work as hard for it as I do. But 
there ! There's a quarter. Now go and help the cook. 

Lester (takes quarter). Thank you, dear. (Exits R.) 

Eve. Poor Lester ! He will have to economize. It's too 
bad to deprive him of all his little vanities, but I'm sure 
he will understand. (Crosses to R.) 

Enter Clarence from C. D., ivearing hat. Comes down 
L. C. 

Clarence. Sister! 

Eve. Ah, Clarence. Come in, dear. You come like a 
bright ray of sunshine into this dull room. What have you 
been doing this afternoon, little one? Breaking some more 
hearts, I suppose. 

Clarence. I have a complaint to make. I was riding in 
the park when some of those horrid lady officers from the 
battleship tried to flirt with me. I dismounted and was 
feeding the goldfish in the lake when one of them actually 
had the audacity to speak to me. 

Eve. The villain ! 

Clarence. Of course I didn't answer her ; but I was so 
embarrassed. Then her companions joined her and began 
to make remarks about my complexion and my figure. Oh, 
I nearly cried. 

Eve. It's those beastly officers from the cruiser Susan 
B. Anthony. I'll speak to th.e Chief of Police about them. 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. VI 

Clarence. In my embarrassment I dropped my whip 
into the lake, when a lady pushed those cads aside and res- 
cued my whip for me. 

Eve. I hope you thanked her, Clarence. 

Clarence. Oh, yes, indeed. Wasn't it brave? You 
should have heard how she talked to the officers. They were 
so abashed they walked away and the lady then escorted 
me home to protect me from further insult. 

Eve. Who was it, Clarence. I must see her and thank 
her for her kindness. 

Clarence. Oh, will you? She's waiting out in the hall 
now. She was afraid to come in. 

Eve. Nonsense. Your friends are always welcome. 
Tell her to come in. We owe her a debt of gratitude. She 
evidently rescued you right in the nick of time. Those 
women officers are very unscrupulous. They might have 
kidnapped you. 

Clarence. Oh, don't speak of such a horrible thing. 
I'm safe now audit's all due to the bravery of Doris Denton. 

Eve. Doris Denton? The Chief of the Fire Depart- 
ment ? 

Clarence. Yes, isn't it wonderful? She's so handsome 
and brave that she quite won my heart. 

Eve. But think of the disparity of your positions. You 
are the loved and petted brother of the Mayor of the town. 
She is only the Fire Chief. 

Clarence. What care I for that? When I choose a 
wife, I'll choose the woman I love. Now, sister, don't be 
cross. Remember she was very kind and very brave. Now, 
don't be cross with her. Here she comes. Oh, I'm so em- 
barrassed. {^Crosses dozvn L.) 

Enter Doris, C. D. 

Eve {at R. C). My dear miss, you are very welcome. 
My brother has been telling me how you rescued him this 
afternoon. It was very thrilling. I want to tell you how 
much obliged I am to you. 

Doris. Thank you, your honor. I only did my duty. 



38 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Clarence. Yes, but she acted so nobly. She's the 
bravest girl I've ever seen. 

Doris (at C). I hope you have no objections to my 
attentions to your brother, your honor. I assure you my 
intentions are perfectly honorable. 

Eve. Have you been vaccinated? 

Doris. Twice, your honor. And I've never had a sick 
day in my life. Mother and father both safe and sound 
as a couple of dollars. In fact, speaking from the stand- 
point of eugenics, I'm a beau ideal. 

Clarence (at L.). Oh, yes; I'm sure she is, sister. 

Eve. But tell how you happened to be in the park when 
my brother was insulted. 

Doris. I was on my way to a fire when all of a sudden 
my back hair came loose. Of course I couldn't go to a 
fire with my back hair loose. 

Eve. Of course not. 

Clarence. Certainly not. 

Doris. So I just stopped in the park to see if I couldn't 
borrow a couple of hairpins from some lady officers I saw 
by the lake. But when I came closer I saw they were not 
ladies, but very ordinary persons, bent on persecuting this 
poor young man. He had dropped his whip in the lake and 
was just on the point of tears when I rescued the whip, 
made short work of his tormenters and escorted him safely 
home. 

Eve. It was a noble act. Clarence, take your friend out 
and show her the orchids in the conservatory. (Cross to L.) 

Doris. Thank you kindly, your honor. 

Clarence. Come this way. Miss Denton. (Cross to R.) 
I just dote on orchids, don't you? 

Doris. I've never eaten any, but I'm willing to try any- 
thing once. 

Clarence (gaily). Then come along. (Exits R. zvith 
Doris.) 

Eve. I'll put a stop to this flirting in the park. Those 
naval officers are becoming entirely too obnoxious. Mike! 
(Rings bell.) 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 39 

Enter Mike from R. 

Mike. Yis, mum. Did you ring, mum? 
Eve. I did. Go over next door to the police station and 
tell the Chief of Police that the Mayor wants to see her. 
Mike. Yis, mum. (Exits R.) 

Bell rings off C. D. 

Eve. Les ! Lester, where are you? {At R. of table.) 
Enter Lester from R. 

Lester. Here I am, dear. I was just rocking the baby 
to sleep. 

Eve. Go and answer the door. Somebody's been ring- 
ing for half an hour. 

Lester. Where is Mike? 

Eve. I sent him after the Chief of Police. You must 
answer the door yourself. 

Lester. Yes, dear. (Exits CD.) 

Eve. Only one servant and I am the Mayor of (insert 
loeal name). My husband is compelled to answer the door 
like a menial. Oh, poverty, poverty, must I always be your 
slave ? 

Enter Lester. C. D., ushering in Rosalie dressed in 
neat tailor made costume zvith hat and cane. 

Lester. Come in madam, my wife will see you at once. 
(Comes down R.) 

Rosalie. Thank you. (Comes down C.) I hope I do 
not intrude. I am R. B. Myers representing the French 
Chocolate Company. 

Eve. I am pleased to meet you. Allow me to present 
my husband. 

Rosalie. Charmed Pm sure. Always glad to meet such 
a charming, handsome man. 

Lester. Oh, ma'am, you flatter me. 

Eve ('carelessly). Les is a good husband. Domestic and 
all that sort of thing. You'd better run along now, dear. 
I think you are wanted in the nursery. 

Lester. Yes, darling. (Exits R.) 

Eve. And now, Mrs. Myers, won't you sit down? 



40 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Rosalie. Thank you. (Sits on sofa.) I have called in 
reference to the French Chocolate bill. You realize that the 
introduction of our brand of chocolate would be a mag- 
nificent thing for the girls and boys of our public schools. 

Eve. I fear it is put of the question, Mrs. Myers. Think 
of the drain on the city treasury. (Seated at R. of table.) 

Rosalie. I have thought of that. Now, see here, Mrs. 
Parmenter, you are the Mayor of this town, and if you 
favor our bill I'm sure we can push the thing through the 
City Council. Now, I'm a business woman and a woman 
of few words. Now, what is your price? 

Eve. My price? T have no price. I have never yet ac- 
cepted a bribe and I will accept none now. 

Rosalie. Tut, tut ; you use strong language. I am not 
offering you a bribe. Nothing of the sort. That sort of 
thing was done away with when the women came into 
power. But of course, if you give us your influence, I 
would be very grateful. Very grateful indeed. In fact, 
any of our celebrated chocolate candy would be at your 
disposal at any time. 

Eve. You mean that I could have all the candy I want 
at any time? 

Rosalie. That's exactly what I mean. See. I have a 
contract here in writing. A five-pound box every day for 
ten years. 

Eve. No, no ! Do not tempt me. For two months I 
have longed for a taste of your bitter-sweet chocolate ; but 
I have my husband to support. I can't afford luxuries. 

Rosalie. Think, my dear madam. Five pounds of our 
best brand every day for ten years. 

Eve (risimg). Oh, I don't know what to do. I don't 
know what to do. (Paces up and dozmi.) 

Rosalie (produces fine box of candy from leather bag). 
See, here is a sample, with the compliments of the firm. 

Eve (takes box gingerly). For me? 

Rosalie. For you. I want you to taste our goods. 

Eve (eats). Wonderful! Delicious! Really, I think this 
would be excellent to introduce in our public schools. 



HER HOyOR THE AfAYOR. 41 

Rosalie (aside). She's mine! She's mine! 

Eve (eating chocolate). You say you'll give me a five- 
pound box every day for ten years. 

Rosalie. Here is the contract. See, you sign here — and 
I sign here. 

Eve. And my husband just adores chocolates. Fare- 
well, poverty ; grinning, grinding poverty. I've done with 
you forever. (Eats.) Quick! Give me a pen. I'll sign. 
I'll sign. 

Rosalie. That paper promises your aid in passing the 
bill and also promises your signature as Mayor when the 
bill has passed the Council. 

Eve (signs). I'm doing it for my husband, for my fam- 
ily. (Eats.) And for the good of the dear little school 
children. 

Rosalie. And here is my contract agreeing to furnish 
you with the stipulated amount every day for ten years. 

Eve (taking paper from Rosalie). And you are sure 
Vm not accepting a bribe. 

Rosalie (taking the other paper). Of course not. It's 
only a little present from the firm. 

Eve. I stand for purity in politics, you know. 

Rosalie. And so do I, theoretically. But I must be 
going. I fear I have already taken up too much of your 
valuable time. (Goes to C. D.) Remember, the French 
Chocolate Company depend upon your influence. 

Eve (dozvn L.). Certainly. I feel sure I am a public 
benefactor when I advocate the introduction of such a 
wonderful delicacy in our schools. 

Rosalie. Good evening. Your document will be hon- 
ored at any of our branch s,tores. 

Eve. Thank you so much. Good evening. (Exit Rosa- 
lie, CD.) I wonder if I have done the right thing. Of 
course it isn't a bribe, but some of my constituents might 
think otherwise. I won't do it. I won't be bribed. (Hur- 
ries to door.) Come back! Come back! Take your choco- 
lates. Too late. She's gone. And I have betrayed my 
trust. I am a grafter. (Down to table.) Oh, why did I 



42 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

do it? And my poor husband. If this thing ever comes to 
light he could never hold up his dainty head again. (Puts 
paper on table.) I've a good notion to lock myself up in 
my room where no one can see me and have a good old- 
fashioned cry. {Exit L.) 

Enter Mike from C. D. 

Mike {coming down R.). Her Honor, the Mayor, will 
be after seeing" you directly. Come right in Mr. Chafe of 
Police. Come right in. 

Enter Eliza from C. D. She comes dozvn L. with dignity. 

Eliza. Boy, kindly hab de kindness to accelerate your 
movements and tell de Mayor dat de Chief ob Police am 
waiting on her integrity. 

Mike. Yis, mum. Please take a seat, mum. 

Eliza. Say man, ain't you de husband ob dat obstrep- 
erous Irish lady dat we arrested last Monday? 

Mike. I am, yer honor. 

Eliza. Has you-all had any family bustifications since 
dat time? 

Mike. Sure, we have. It's the divil's own time I'm 
after havin' wid Mary Ellen ivery night. Niver a lick of 
work will she do at all, at all. And me here slavin' meself 
to a shadow to support that big healthy woman. It ain't 
natural. 

Eliza. 'Deed it ain't; 'deed it ain't. I ain't got no use 
for no woman dat makes her husband work. 

Mike. She came home last night and took all me hard- 
earned money away from me, and I haven't had a new 
stitch of clothes on me back in two years. Me wife does 
nothin' at all, at all, but go to the movie picture shows and 
flirt with the heroes in the pictures. Oh, me, oh, my! It's 
a sorrowful life I lead. 

Eliza. Dat woman is getting entirely too pusillanimous. 
I reckon I's got to send her to jail for ninety days. I ain't 
got no use for no woman dat don't work. What's dis yere 
world a-comin' to when de women folks expects their hus- 
bands to work for 'em and support 'em in idleness? I'm 



HER T40N0R THE MAYOR. 43 

gwine to make an object lesson ob your wife. I'll bet I'll 
show dat woman somethin' dat'll disintegrate de vast cor- 
porality ob her intelligence.. 

Mike. Yis, mum; sure and thot's what I think meself. 

Eliza. Lookee yere, boy, what does de Mayor wanter 
see me about? (Cross to C.) 

Mike. I don't know, mum. 

Eliza. 'Pears like she's gettin' mighty bossitorial, 
sendin' for me to leave ma fried chicken an* hominy and 
come ober yere for de official jurisdiction ob de occasion. 

Mike. I'll see if I can find her for yez. (Exits R.) 

Eliza. I's got to arrest dat man's wife' again. She's de 
most obtuse piece ob humanity in ma district. 

Enter Eve from L. 

Eve (at L.). Ah, Chief, I'm glad to see you. 

Eliza (salutes). Yas, boss. 

Eve. I want you to put a lady detective over in the park. 
A crowd of lady officers from the warship Susan B. An- 
thony are proving very annoying to the young men who 
stroll in the park. Now, we can't have our young men 
insulted. 

Eliza. No, ma'am. You sure is right. I'll send 

and (insert names of local ladies) over there tomor- 
row. I'm sure gwine to put a stop to all dis yere promis- 
cuous flirtation in de park. I sure am. 

Eve. Oh, yes. And another thing, chief. I notice sev- 
eral of your officers are on duty without having their hair 
curled and without a bit of powder on their noses. Now 
you must maintain better discipline. Next week we are 
going to order new sky-blue satin uniforms for the police 
and they must be a credit to the city. 

Eliza. Yas'm. I'll attend to dat mysef personally. 

Eve. And remember, Chief, to treat all your prisoners 
with kindness. There is no rule like the golden rule. 

Eliza. Yas'm. Dat shore is right. My old mammy 
used to say to me, ''Eliza, always remember dat golden 
rule." We used to hab a little yaller gal in our school 
dat always practiced dat golden rule. One day I got plumb 



44 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

exasperated wif dat nigger and slapped her in her vesti- 
bule, and what do you think she done? 

Eve. I suppose she treated you with kindness. 

Eliza. Yas, ma'am, dat's jes' what she done. She gave 
me an apple. 

Eve. \Vd\, what happened then? 

Eliza. Well, de next day I slapped her again. Jes' 
'cause I had a natural taste for dem apples. I like to slapped 
de hfe out ob dat lovin' child. 

Eve. Well, Chief, remember about the extra policemen 
in the park. 

Eliza. Yas, ma'am. I'll remember. Is dat all? 

Eve. Yes, that's all. Good-bye. 

Eliza. Good-bye, boss. (At C. D.) I certainly knows 
how to attend to de assiduities ob ma situation. {Exit 
loftily, C. D.) 

Enter Mike from R. 

Mike. Excuse me, mum, but what will I be after serv- 
ing for supper? 

Eve. Oh, the usual thing. First, we'll have blue points. 

Mike. Will ye have thim with or without? 

Eve. I'll leave all that to you. 

Mike. Begorra, I'll serve them both. ways. 

Eve. Then some mullagatawny soup. 

Mike. Yis, mum. I just baked a half a dozen this 
morning. 

Eve. And some head lettuce salad. You may serve that 
undressed. 

Mike. Nothin' doin', mum. I'm an honest man, mum, 
and it's nothin' at all I'll serve undressed. Me wife wouldn't 
approve of it. 

Eve. Can you dress a chicken, Mike ? 

Mike. I cannot. At least not on the salary I'm getting 
here. 

Eve. Then for dessert we'll have some nice little Char- 
lotte russes. 

Mike. Do I serve them with limbureer cheese? 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 45 

Eve. Certainly not. Remember, Mike, this is to be a 
course supper. 

Mike. Take it from me, mum, it'll be the coarsest sup- 
per you ever sat down to. (Starts out R.) 

Eve. Just a moment, Mike. Have you frog legs? 

Mike. No, mum. It's rheumatism that makes me walk 
this way. (Exits R.) 

Eve. Heavens, what a cook. But it's so hard to get a 
cook, so many of our young men prefer to work in the 
department stores. (C7'0ss to sofa.) 

Enter Lester from L. 

Lester. May I come in? 

Eve. Certainly, Lester. 

Lester. Dear, can't you throw aside your cares for one 
evening and take me to the opera? It's been so long since 
we've had a good time together. 

Eve. I know it ; but I'm so worried about my official 
duties. If I advocate the French Chocolate bill my con- 
stituents will think I've been bribed. 

Lester. Then don't advocate it. 

Eve. But I have to. I've promised to. I've signed a 
paper. 

Lester. It would kill me if any disgrace should come 
to you. Oh, sometimes I wish you had never been elected 
Mayor. Sometimes I wish we w^ere back in the old days 
when the men ruled the world. 

Eve (sitting on sofa at R.). And so do I. 

Lester (on the arm of the sofa). When you never 
thought of woman's rights, but were only my dear little 
fiancee. 

Eve (long sigh). Ah, those were happy days. 

Lester. If we could only fly away to some other country 
where the men ruled and the women were loved and adored 
just Hke they used to be. 

Eve. Oh, yes! 

Lester. We'd have a little cottage and a garden filled 
with roses. And you and I would sit in the garden and 
watch the sun going down, just like we used to do. 



46 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Eve. You smoking your pipe. 

Lester. And you in a white ruffled dress. You always 
used to dress in such lovely fluffy clothes. 

Eve. Yes, with lace ruffles and ribbon sashes and a mil- 
lion stick pins. {Eagerly.) Oh, weren't we happy then? 

Lester. And I would read poetry to you and tell you 
of my love in the old-fashioned way. 

Eve. And I would say that you were the only man on 
earth for me. 

Lester. And we should be so happy. {Both give long 
sigh in unison.) 

Enter Mike frorn C. D. 

Mike. Excuse me, mum, but one of the officers from 
the warship Susan B. Anthony is at the door and she wants 
to see you, mum. 

Eve {rises). Very well, Mike. Bring her in here. {E.vit 
Mike, C. D.) 

Lester {rises). I think I hear the children crying. After 
your company has gone, dear, come up and we'll talk over 
old times. {Exit R.) 

Eve. I wonder what she wants. Well, I'll have to pow- 
der my nose. Even the Mayor must use a little powder. 
{Exit R.) 

Enter Mike followed by Mrs. McNabb. The latter is 
dressed in a natty naval unifor^n, cap, sword, epaulettes, etc. 

Mike. You are to wait here, mum, and the Mayor will 
be down directly. 

Mrs. McNabb. Thank you, my pretty boy. 

Mike {at R.). Aw, go on with your blarney. {Tzvists 
apron bashfully.) I have to be about me work. 

Mrs. McNabb {at C). Well, I must say the Mayor 
shows good taste in her selection of a housemaid. 

Mike. Sure, mum, it's flattering me you are. 

Mrs. McNabb. Not at all. We fellows of th.e navy 
don't flatter. 

Mike. But it's a married man I am. 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 47 

Mrs. McNabb. You are? Why didn't you say so in the 
first place. Tell the Mayor I want to see her at once. 

Mike. Yis mum. (Exits R.) 

Mrs. McNabb. Ah, now to find the little charmer I saw 
in the park this afternoon. One of the girls said he was 
the Mayor's brother, so I determined to strike while the 
iron was hot and see the Mayor at once. 
Enter Clarence from R. 

Clarence {at R. C). Oh, I beg pardon. I thought my 
sister was here. 

Mrs. McNabb. Don't run away, little one. I won't bite 
you. {Cross to sofa.) 

Clarence. Of course not. But really, I am very, very 

timid. 

Mrs. McNabb. I saw you in the park this afternoon. 

Remember? 

Clarence. Oh, yes, indeed. And I was so embarrassed. 

(Come dozmi C.) 

Mrs. McNabb. You made a great impression on me and 
I determined to see your sister and get an introduction. I 
am Lieutenant McNabb. 

Clarence. Pleased to meet you, Lieutenant. 

Mrs. McNabb. And what is your name, my pretty lad? 

Clarence {drooping eyes). Clarence, Lieutenant. 

Mrs. McNabb {on sofa). Come here, Clarence. Sit 
down. 

Clarence. Oh, sir — I mean. Lieutenant — 

Mrs. McNabb. Don't be bashful. (Clarence sits on 
sofa.) Has anyone made love to you, Clarence? 

Clarence. Oh, no. You see, I'm not out yet. My sis- 
ter don't allow me to receive attentions from young ladies. 

Mrs. McNabb. I'm glad of it. You're much too young 
and too pretty. Now, Clarence, I am a woman of few 
words. My life is very lonely and I want some one to 
share it with me. I need a congenial spirit to help me in 
my life work. Of course this may strike your timid nature 
as very sudden, but could you— would you— consent to 



48 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

make me the happiest of women by becoming Mr. McNabb, 
my husband? 

Clarence. Oh, I couldn't do that. Really, I couldn't. 

Mrs. McNabb. Don't make a hasty reply, Clarence. 
Take time to think it over. I am an officer in the navy and 
get good pay. I would make your life very happy. 

Clarence. I'm too young to marry yet. I'm awfully 
sorry, Lieutenant, but I'm afraid I can never be your hus- 
band. I could be a brother to you, but alas, I can be no 
more. (Rises.) 

Mrs. McNabb. You reject me? Have a care, my boy. 
I am a desperate woman and I have determined to make 
myself your wife. 

Clarence. I am very sorry, but such a thing is impos- 
sible. (Cross to L.) 

Mrs. McNabb. Listen to me! 

Clarence. It is useless ; and besides I have company 
waiting in the conservatory. 

Mrs. McNabb. That common person from the fire de- 
partment, I suppose? (At C.) 

Clarence. She isn't common. She's the dearest, bravest 
woman I have ever seen. 

Mrs. McNabb. Oh, ho ! So I have a rival. Well, let her 
beware! I will stop at nothing, and come what may you 
shall be my husband. (Takes hold of Clarence's wrist.) 

Clarence. Oh, you are hurting me. Let me pass. 

Mrs. McNabb. Not until I have told you of my love. 

Clarence (struggling). Help! Help! 

Enter Doris from R. 

Doris. Let the lady pass. I mean let him pass! 

Mrs. McNabb (cringes down L.). Who are you that 
dare to interfere? 

Doris. I am this lad's affianced wife. Now let the 
young man pass. 

Clarence (crosses to door R.). Oh, thank you, Doris. 
Thank you so much. (Exit.) 

Mrs. McNabb. We shall meet again. 

Doris. When and where you please. If you demand 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 49 

satisfaction you will find me ever at your service. (Exit 
R. ivith dignity.) 

Mrs. McNabb. Baffled! But I'll be revenged; I'll be 
revenged. {Crosses to table.) I'll see the Mayor and surely 
she will listen to my suit. {Sees contract on table.) What's 
this? {Reads, then speaks.) Ah, ha! A bribe from the 
French Chocolate Company. Her Honor, the Mayor, is a 
grafter. {Takes paper.) Now she is in my power. I hold 
the winning ca^^d. 

Enter Eve from R. 

Eve. Pardon my keeping you waiting, but I was en- 
gaged. Won't you sit down? 

Mrs. McNabb {at L. of table). I will not. I want a 
few words with you absolutely private. 

Eve {at R. of table). Go on; we are alone. 

Mrs. McNabb. I am Lieutenant McNabb of the good 
ship Susan B. Anthony. In brief, I want to marry your 
brother. 

Eve. Marry Clarence? Why, Clarence is only a lad. He 
isn't out yet. 

Mrs. McNabb. I saw him in the park this afternoon 
and determined to make him my husband. 

Eve. Then why come to me? Why not see my brother 
himself? 

Mrs. McNabb. I have seen him. He refuses to listen 
to my proposal. 

Eve. Then that settles the matter. Clarence is the light 
of my life, and if he refuses to listen to you I have nothing 
to say in the matter. 

Mrs. McNabb. Oh, yes, you have. You are his guar- 
dian. He cannot marry without your consent, and I mean 
that you shall force him to become my husband. 

Eve. I'll not listen to you. This is infamous. 

Mrs. McNabb. Other things are infamous, too. The 
French Chocolate bill, for instance. 

Eve (frightened). The French Chocolate bill? What 
do you mean ? 



50 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Mrs. McNabb. Ah, well you know what I mean. I 
mean that the Mayor of (insert local name) is a grafter! 

Eve. You dare? 

Mrs. McNabb. Yes, I dare. I am a desperate woman 
and you are in my power. 

Eve. What do you mean? 

Mrs. McNabb {ivaving contract). ' Do you see this pa- 
per? Do you know what it is? It is the price of your honor. 
You have sold yourself to the French Chocolate Company, 
and this is the evidence of your guilt. 

Eve {wringing hands). I didn't know; I didn't know. 

Mrs. McNabb. You are in my power, my lady, and it 
remains for you to say what I shall do with this paper. 

Eve. Give it to me. 

Mrs. McNabb. If you can gain the consent of your 
brother Clarence to become my husband, the paper is yours. 
If not, I shall take it to the {name local newspaper) and 
your infamy shall become a byword throughout the city. 

Eve. No, no, you would not be so cruel ? 

Mrs. McNabb. I am a desperate woman and will stop 
at nothing. 

Eve. But my brother does not love you. 

Mrs. McNabb {at L.). Bah ! What of that? I can teach 
him to love me. Come, now, Parmenter, be sensible. You 
know I hold the winning card. 

Eve {at C, facing Mrs. McNabb with table between^. 
I know that, Belinda McNabb, but sooner than ruin the 
innocent young life of Brother Clarence I will accept my 
disgrace. Now, do your worst. I defy you ! {Brings fist 
down on table, glaring angrily at Mrs. McNabb.) 

Mrs. McNabb. So be it. T take you at your word. You 
defy me, eh? Then I will plead no longer. 

Eve. Where are you going? 

Mrs. McNabb. To police headquarters. This night shall 
see the lady Mayor of {local name) behind prison bars. 

Eve. No, no! Have mercy, have mercy! Think of my 
poor husband. Surely you would not have my crime fall 
on his innocent head? 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 51 

Mrs. McNabb. Then promise me your brother's hand in 
marriage. 

Eve. I cannot, I cannot. Think of my husband. He is 
weak and innocent. Would you cast me into prison and 
force him to earn his daily bread? Have a heart! 'Tis not 
for myself I plead, but for him, for my husband. 

Enter Lester and Clarence from R. They come down R. 

Lester (goes to Eve's R.). What is it, dear? I thought 
I heard someone quarreling. Oh, I am so frightened. 
, Mrs. McNabb (at L. C). You shall soon learn what it 
is. Your wife, the impeccable Mayor of the town, is a 
grafter. 

Clarence (dozvn R.). A grafter? 

Eve (at R. C, in anguished tones). No, no! (Turns to 
Lester.) You don't believe her? 

Lester. Though all the world pronounce you guilty, I 
believe you innocent. 

Mrs. McNabb (waring contract). But you cannot doubt 
the witness I have here. Come, now, Parmenter, for the 
last time, you must make your decision. 

Eve (after a mental struggle). Clarence, come here. 
(Lester goes up R.) 

Clarence (crosses to Eve at R. C). Yes, sister. 

Eve. This lady has asked for your hand in marriage. 
She is a Lieutenant in the navy. She is rich and powerful, 
and she is holding a secret over my head. I am in her power 
and you alone can help me. 

Clarence. What would you have me do? 

Eve. Marry her. 

Clarence. Never. My heart is not mine to give. I 
love another. 

Eve. Then all is over. (Goes to Lester up R.) 

Mrs. McNabb (crosses to Clarence at C). Think well, 
my lad, before you force your sister into a felon's cell. If 
you refuse me, this night shall see Her Honor the Mayor 
in public disgrace, a prisoner in her own city jail. 

Lester. Oh, the disgrace, the disgrace! (Sobs on Eve''s 
shoidder.) 



52 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Clarence. You say you love me, then for my sake let 
my sister go. (Kneels at the feet of Mrs. McNabb.) Have 
mercy on her! 

Mrs. McNabb. Ah., ha ! My hour of triumph is at hand. 
Your sister has signed a contract with the Chocolate Com- 
pany. She has been bribed. Here is the proof. H you will 
become my husband I will give you the paper on my wed- 
ding day. 

Clarence {rising and facing Mrs. McNabb). Never! 
Sooner than marry you I would beg barefoot in the street. 
Give me that paper. {Tries to get it.) 

Mrs. McNabb {forces Clarence to his knees). Ha, ha, 
ha! {Sardonic laugh.) 

• Enter Doris from R. 

Doris. Release that young man! 

Mrs. McNabb {drazvs szvord). Out of my way. I'm 
going to denounce the Mayor. 

Doris {seizing poker and fencing with Mrs. McNabb). 
Oh, you would, would you? {They fence. Doris disarms 
her. ) 

Mrs. McNabb. I still hold the winning card. {Waves 
contract.) Tonight Her Honor the Mayor will spend in 
prison. 

Doris {seizes the paper) . Not while I can prevent it. 

Enter Eliza from L. 

Eliza. What's goin' on in yere? 

Doris. Officer, arrest this woman. Here is your pris- 
oner. 

Eliza {seizes Mrs. McNabb, zvho collapses). Come along 
with me. {Hits her on head zvith billy.) 

Clarence {embraced by Doris down R.). Saved, saved! 

(Eve embraces Lester, Eliza beats Mrs. McNabb as 
curtain quickly falls.) 

Note. — The success of this entire act, and especially the 
climax, will depend upon the ability of the ladies to act like 
men, and vice versa. 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 53 

Act til 
her lord axd master. 

Scene 1. Same as Acts I and II. Lights on full through- 
out the act. Bright music to take up the curtain, some wed- 
ding inarch. 

Clarence is discovered standing at C. dressed in white 
trousers, white shoes, white sport shirt, necklace of fake 
pearls, bracelets, long wedding veil of ivhite tarleton {not 
covering face). Lester is kneeling by him arranging veil. 
Mike stands facing Clarence holding wedding zvreath of 
zvhitc wax orange blossoms aloft. 

Clarence. Hurry, Les ; I can't stand here all day. I've 
got the fidgets. Haven't you got it arranged yet? 

Lester (zvith mouth full of pirns, makes inarticulate 
sounds). 

Mike. He can't talk at all, at all. His mouth is full of 
pins. Sure, it's a handsome bridegroom you do make, Mr. 
Clarence. It's a lucky woman the Lieutenant will be this 
day. 

Clarence. Don't speak of her. Oh, Mike, my heart is 
breaking. 

Mike. There, there, darling, take courage. Maybe she'll 
make you a good wife after all. 

Lester {removing pins from mouth). If I had my way 
I wouldn't permit this marriage, not for a minute. But the 
Mayor insists on it. 

Clarence. Sometimes I think I am not doing the right 
thing. I am selling myself for gold. Oh, Doris, Doris, why 
have you deserted me? 

Lester. It's strange what became of Doris Denton. No 
one has ever seen her since that dramatic night when she 
defied the Lieutenant to her face. I w^onder what became 
of her. 

Mike. She's like all other women. When she saw you 
were in trouble, Mr. Clarence, sure she ran away and de- 
serted you. 



54 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Clarence. I don't believe it. It is a dark, gfrewsome 
mystery. Maybe the Lieutenant has murdered her. Oh, 
the thought is terrible. (Weeps.) 

Lester. Don't, Clarence, you're spotting your costume. 

Mike. Oh, don't do that. You have the loveliest trous- 
seau that was ever seen in this town. (Puts wreath on 
Clarence's head.) 

Clarence (crosses to sofa and sits). Oh, if I only had 
the courage to rebel. What right have they to force me 
into this marriage when I love another? 

Mike. It's a burning shame, so it is. 

Lester (at L.). Sometimes I feel desperate myself. 
Nowadays the men have no rights at all. They won't even 
allow us to vote. It's time we started a rebellion. 

Mike (at C). That's right. We ought to start a society 
of suffragettes. "Votes for Men !" That's what we ought 
to demand. 

Clarence. I say so, too. Votes for men. We are not 
idiots ; we are not convicts ; we have to pay taxes, and why 
shouldn't we be allowed the ballot. Votes for men! 

Mike. It's a great idea. Begorra, if the men ever get 
in power, I'll have me wife Mary Ellen arristed and sen- 
tenced to the penitentiary for life, so I will. 

Lester. Some brave men are already advocating the 
ballot for men. Would I had the courage to join them. 

Mike. Why don't you take courage? 

Lester. I have tried to. I drank seven bottles of cod 
liver oil and four bottles of soothing syrup ; but still I lack 
the nerve. 

Mike. There's a man going to make a speech down on 
the corner this afternoon to insist on the ballot for men. 
Begorra, I'm going to be there and yell like the divil. 

Clarence. Why, Mike, such language. I'm shocked. 

Lester. And so am I. You'd better not let my wife 
hear you talk like that. She'll fire you sure. 

Mike. I beg yer pardon, but me feelings got the better 
of me. But it certainly raises me Irish temper to see the 
Mayor forcing you into this marriage, Mr. Clarence, when 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 55 

you don't love the Lieutenant at all, at all. Me Irish is up. 
Huroo ! Votes for men ! Votes for men ! 

Lester. Mike, you must curb your excitement. What 
would the Mayor say? 

Mike. Thot's not worrying me at all. Votes for men ! 

Lester. I can't have such iconoclastic expressions in this 
house. 

Mike. Iconoclastic, is it? Sure, I dunno what that 
manes, but if it's as bad as^ it sounds, it's awful it must be. 
(Crosses to door R.) Votes for men! (Waves arms and 
exits R.) 

Lester (goes to Clarence). Why are you so sad, dear? 
On your wedding day, too. Why this should be the hap- 
piest day in your whole life. 

Clarence (hands clasped on knees). I was only think- 
ing, Lester. Thinking of Doris Denton. I cannot under- 
stand her mysterious silence. Just think, we've never had 
a word from her since that day when the Lieutenant accused 
the Mayor of being a grafter. 

Lester (sits on sofa beside kirn and takes his hands). It 
is indeed very strange. But you must have courage. Now 
run up to your room and put a little powder on your nose. 
It wouldn't be a bad idea to use just a weeny teeny bit of 
rouge, too. A bridegroom mustn't be too pale on his wed- 
ding day. 

Clarence (rises, cross to C). Yes, Lester, I will go. 
I'll try to forget Doris Denton. She has deserted me, and 
although my heart is breaking, it mustn't show in my com- 
plexion. (Cross to L.) Ah, me! And this is my wedding 
day. (Exits L.) 

Enter Eve frora C. D. with box of chocolates. 

Eve. Is everything ready for the wedding? 

Lester (at R.). Yes, dear. 

Eve. The Lieutenant will be here in twenty minutes. Is 
Clarence all ready? 

Lester. I think so. But, Eve, isn't there some way to 
postpone this wedding? You know that Clarence does not 
love Lieutenant McNabb. 



56 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Eve. Bah! It's only a lad's fancy. He'll learn to love 
her in time. 

Lester. I don't beheve it. His heart has already been 
given to the ex-Fire Chief, Doris Denton. 

Eve. Doris has deserted him; deserted him just when 
he needed her the most. See what I have brought you. 

Lester. A box of chocolates. I'm getting sick of choco- 
lates. Every day you bring me a five-pound box and I'm 
gaining weight all the time. (Goes to her.) Eve, confide 
in me. Is it true — all these horrible things the papers are 
saying? Have you been bribed by the French Chocolate 
Company ? 

Eve. Of course not. That's all a campaign story orig- 
inating in the minds of my opponents. 

Lester. If I thought that my wife was a grafter and had 
accepted a bribe — (hesitates). 

Eve. Yes? What would you do? 

Lester. I would leave you. I'd go home to father. I'd 
join the suffragettes and yell "Votes for men !" 

Eve. No, no. Surely you wouldn't disgrace me pub- 
Hcly? 

Lester. I'm half in favor of men's suffrage anyhow. 
We have to pay taxes and why shouldn't we have the right 
of ballot. 

Eve. It isn't your sphere. It isn't man's place at the 
polls. Your place is in the kitchen and the nursery. 

Lester. I don't see why I shouldn't have the right to 
vote if I want to. 

Eve. Because you understand nothing of politics. Why, 
if men had the right of voting they would vote for the 
handsomest woman every time. . You see men haven't logical 
minds. Man Is too fragile. He hasn't got the requisite 
strength. 

Enter Mike from R. He wears red Tam cap and carries 
a red parasol. 

Lester. Why, Mike, where are you going? 
Mike. I'm laving me job. 
Lester. But why? 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 57 

Mike. I'm going to be a suffragoot. Too long have I 
been a slave a-workin' in your kitchen. Now, I'm through. 
I'm going down to the park and make an address on Men's 
Rights. Hurroo ! Votes for men ! 

Eve. Mike, go back to the kitchen. 

Mike. Niver. I've cooked me last meal. Begorra, I'm 
goin' out and rouse the nation. Votes for men ! (Exit 
C. D.) 

Eve. Now you see what you have done. 

Lester. It wasn't my fault. 

Eve. No, I suppose not. It's the growing spirit of un- 
rest among the men. Telephone to the agency and have 
them send us a new hired man right away. 

Lester. Yes, dear. 

Eve. And hurry up. The wedding is to take place in 
twenty minutes. 

Lester. Yes, dear. (Exit L.) 

Eve. I feel like a criminal. I am a criminal. I am forc- 
ing little Clarence to marry a woman he does not love, and 
all because the Lieutenant has found me out. I have a 
notion to defy her to her face and let her do her worst. 
But, the disgrace. Oh, I never could stand the disgrace. 

Enter Mrs. McNabb from C. D. 

Mrs. McNabb. Well, where is he? Where is my Clar- 
ence? 

Eve. Oh, he's making his toilet. Is everything ready 
for the wedding? 

Mrs. McNabb. Yes, we're to drive from here to the 
church. 

Eve. I'm afraid Clarence is beginning to suspect some- 
thing concerning Doris Denton. My husband told me so. 

Mrs. McNabb. That woman is becoming unmanage- 
able. We've held her a close prisoner in irons on board 
the Susan B. Anthony for four weeks, but I'll be glad 
when I'm safely married and can set her at liberty. 

Eve. Aren't you afraid of the poHce? 

Mrs. McNabb. Certainly not. I am not afraid of any- 
thing. But Doris Denton has tried to escape three times. 



58 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Eve. When do you set sail? 

Mrs. McNabb. Tonight, right after the wedding. See 
what I have brought Clarence. (SJwws brooch in box.) 

Eve. a diamond brooch. You know the way to win 
a young lad's affection. 

Mrs. McNabb. Well, rather. I'm not a Lieutenant in 
the navy for nothing, you know. 

Eve. Just wait in the conservatory, Lieutenant McNabb, 
and I'll send Clarence to you. 

Mrs. McNabb. Very well. (Cross to door at L.) I'm 
all impatient. (Exit L.) 

Eve. I'll be glad when that woman is out of my life 
forever. (Cross to R.) Oh, this has taught me a lesson. 
I'll never accept another bribe as long as I am in public 
office. If my husband found it out he would never for- 
give me. Who knows but what he would make good his 
threat and join those horrible new men who are creating 
such a sensation by demanding the right of suffrage. If 
there's anything on earth that I simply cannot stand it is 
a man who doesn't know and keep his proper sphere. 
(Exit R.) 

Enter Clarence from L. in bridal attire. 

Clarence (coming dozam C). That odious Lieutenant 
is in the conservatory waiting for me. (Sits on sofa down 
R.) Well, let her wait. I'll have enough of her company 
after I'm married to her. 

Enter Doris from C. D. 

Doris. Clarence! (Comes to him.) 

Clarence. Doris. (She embraces him.) 

Doris. Oh, it is good to see you again. But this bridal 
veil, this wreath of orange blossoms ? Great heavens ! am 
I too late? 

Clarence. I'm to be married to Lieutenant McNabb 
this afternoon. 

Doris. False and fickle as the rest of your sex. 

Clarence. Say not so. What was I to do? 

Doris. Your love for me has grown cold, then? 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 59 

Clarence. Where have you been for the past month? 

Doris. The night I left here I was set upon by a gang 
of ruffians and taken on board the Susan B. Anthony. 
Lieutenant McNabb stole the papers from me containing 
the proof of the Mayor's guilt. I was kept closely guarded 
and in chains. But this morning I managed to find a hair- 
pin and by its aid I escaped. 

Clarence. Oh, I didn't know, I didn't know. I thought 
you were false to me. That is why I consented to marry 
the Lieutenant. 

Doris (standing behind his chair and puts arms around 
his shoulders from hack). You know I love you. There 
is only one man in all the world for me. Why should we 
both lose all of life's happiness because of a foolish mis- 
take — 

Clarence. Don't tempt me. I'm so nervous today and 
you are so strong. Don't tempt me. I'm only a man. 
(Bozvs head and iveeps.) 

Doris (takes him by hand, helps him to feet). We'll run 
away from here. We'll elope. We'll leave all care and 
sorrow behind and fly to Venice. 

Clarence (clasps hands in joy). Oh, yes! Venice has 
always been the city of my dreams. 

Doris. And we will sail down the moon-kisssed waters 
in a gondola, just you and I, with all the cares of the world 
far, far away. 

Clarence. It would be glorious. But what would Lieu- 
tenant McNabb say? 

Doris. AMiy think of her? I have my car outside. We 
can stop at the wharf and get you an overcoat and hat. 
Come just as you are. Love is beckoning you. Come. 

Clarence. And will you always love me and protect 
me? 

Doris. Always, upon my honor. 

Clarence (rises). Then I'll go with you. I'll fly with 
you to the ends of the world. 

Doris (clasps him in her arms). My darhng! 



60 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Clarence. But we must hurry. Let us fly at once. We 
can be married in ten minutes and then — 

Doris. Then we'll be on our way to the land of love. 
Come. (She leads him out CD.) 

Enter Lester from L. 

Lester. Clarence, Clarence ! I wonder where he is. The 
Lieutenant is becoming anxious and has kicked the cat 
through the window of the conservatory. {Cross to R.) 
Clarence ! Probably he is down in the kitchen taking a last 
farewell to all his beloved pots and pans. Clarence is so sen- 
timental. Clarence! {Exit R.) 

Eliza {heard outside C. D.). Don't gimme none ob 
your back talk. I won't take no sassification from no man. 
I'll teach you to make a public spectacle ob yourself by 
trying to start an excitement for dis yere men's right move- 
ment. I'll teach you. 

Enters C. D. holding Mike by collar. Mike's face is 
bloody and his clothing torn. He is in a state of complete 
collapse. 

Mike. Oh, me, oh my! To think I'd live to see the day 
that I'm arrested. 

Eliza. Serves you right. De idea ob you getting up in 
de park and trying to excite all de population on de side 
ob men's rights. I tell you, men ain't got no rights. If 
there is any voting to be did, we women will do it. It ain't 
man's sphere to vote. Dey ain't got de moral reprehen- 
sibility. 

Mike. Oh, darlin' Chafe of Police, only let me go and 
I'll niver make another spache as long as I live. 

Eliza. I can't let you go. It's agin de law. And in my 
present state of judicial satisfaction, I represents de law. 

Mike. But what would me wife say if she had to take 
me out of jail? Oh, wurra, wurra, the sad disgrace of it all. 

Eliza. Man, you ought to thunk of all dis before you 
tried to start a riot. 

Mike. Couldn't you let me go and say no more about 
it? I have five dollars — 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. . 61 

Eliza. Is you trying to bribe me? 

Mike. Oh, not at all. I only said I'd give five dollars 
if I didn't have to go to jail. 

Eliza. Produce de collateral. 

Mike (pulls up leg of trousers,, takes purse from stock- 
ing, takes hill out and replaces purse.) Oh., the sad day, 
the sad day! 

Eliza. It certainly is lucky for you, man, dat I has got 
a sympathetic heart. (Takes the bill.) 

Mike. Plase don't say anything about it to the Mayor. 
She'd never forgive me. And I've been such a foolish little 
thing. 

Eliza. Dat's all right. I won't say nothin'. 

Mike. Begorra, I have some fine apple dumplings down 
in the kitchen. Sure, if you'd condescend to have a little 
lunch — 

Eliza. Dat's all right, man. I'll condescend. I'll con- 
descend right down to de kitchen. 

Mike. Thin come this way. (Exit R. followed by 
Eliza.) 

Enter Mrs. McNabb from L. 

Mrs. McNabb. I wonder if they intend to keep me wait- 
ing in that conservatory all day? (Looks at zvatch.) I'm 
supposed to be at the church now. And I haven't seen 
Clarence at all. Maybe this is a conspiracy. I won't stand 
it. (Rings bell on table.) Hello, Parmenter, where are 
you? 

Enter Eve from R. 

Eve. Here I am. Is anything the matter? 

Mrs. McNabb. How much longer do you intend to keep 
me cooped up in that hen-coop of a conservatory? I'm not 
a chicken. 

Eve. No, I'm sure you're not a chicken. 

Mrs. McNabb. Where is my Clarence? 

Eve. I haven't seen him. Lester! 

Enter Lester from R. 
Lester. Yes, dear. 



62 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Eve (at R. C). Whatever has become of Clarence? 

Lester. I'm sure I don't know. I've been looking all 
over the house for him. Perhaps he's been mislaid. ' 

Mrs. McNabb (down L.). And the ceremony is to start 
in ten minutes. Find him at once. 

Lester. Yes, Lieutenant. I'll see if he's in his boudoir. 
(Exit L.) 

Eve. And I'll look in the kitchen. (Exit R.) 

Mrs. McNabb. Here's a pretty howdy-do. The wed- 
ding all ready and a missing bridegroom. I'll be the laugh- 
ing stock of the town. 

Enter Lester from L. 

Lester. I can't find him anywhere. Oh, Lieutenant, 
do you think anything has happened to Clarence ? It makes 
me so nervous. (Weeps.) 

Enter Eve from R. followed by Eliza. 

Eve. Come in, Chief. Tell the Lieutenant what you 
have told me. 

Eliza (at L. C). I said I seen Mr. Clarence and Doris 
Denton going into the minister's house about five minutes 
ago. 

Eve (down R.). Clarence has eloped with Doris. 

Mrs. McNabb (at C). Eloped? Then they are married 
by this time. (Goes to Eve.) I believe it's a conspiracy, 
and that you are the head of it. 

Eve. You forget yourself, Belinda McNabb. 

Mrs. McNabb. Oh, I do, do I? I've been robbed of my 
Clarence and I'll have revenge. Officer, do your duty. 
Arrest that woman. (Points to Eve.) 

Eliza (dozvn C). What is de grounds of de official in- 
dictment ? 

Mrs. McNabb (at door C). I charge her with being a 
grafter. She has accepted a bribe from the French Choco- 
late Company. She has disgraced her office. And here are 
the proofs. (Waves paper.) 

Lester. No, no ; it isn't true. Eve, tell them it isn't 
true. 



HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 63 

Mrs. McNabb. It is true. I hold the winning card. 
{ Gives paper to Eliza). There is the proof. Now, officer, 
do your duty. Ha, ha! At last I've had me revenge. 
{Laughs and exits C. D.) 

Eve. My sin has found me out. (Sinks in chair at R.) 

Eliza (goes to her, shakes her by shoulder). You is 
under arrest. You come with me. 

Lester. No, no. (Kneels at L.) Have mercy, have 
mercy. 

Eliza. It's agin the law. You are my prisoner. 

Lester. Eve a prisoner. Oh, this is too much. (Faints.) 

Eliza shakes Eve as curtaiit falls. 

Scene 2. Same as the preceding scene. The curtain is 
down just long enough for Eliza to discard her policeman's 
coat, helmet, billy, etc., and appear as in Act 1. Eve is 
discovered asleep on sofa down R. Eliza trying to awaken 
her. The contract and all other evidence of Act II has been 
removed. 

Eliza. Wake up, Miss Eve. Lawsy massy, ain't you 
never gwine to wake up? It's mos' six o'clock. Wake up. 

Eve (awakens). It isn't true. I'm not a grafter. Don't 
take me to prison. What would my husband do? Oh, let 
me go. Please let me go. For his sake. 

Eliza. I ain't goin' to take you to prison. You's been 
asleep. Dat's all. What you think I is? A poHceman? 

Eve. Asleep? Why, aren't you the Chief of Police? 

Eliza (laughs). Who? Me? No, ma'am. (Emphat- 
ically.) No, ma'am. I'm jest Eliza Goober, your hired 
girl. 

Eve. Where is my husband ? 

Eliza. Good lawsy massy, Miss Eve, you ain't got no 
husband. (To audience.) Dat woman is cunjured, dat's 
what she is. She's done been cunjured. Or maybe she 
ain't jest right in her mind. 

Eve. Why, Eliza, have I been asleep? 

Eliza. Yas'm, you shore has. 



64 HER HONOR THE MAYOR. 

Eve. Then it was all a dream, and I never have been 
the Mayor of (local name of town) at all? 

Eliza. Neber mind, honey, you jes' lie down and rest 
yourself. All dis yere woman's rights talk has made you 
get excited. Dat's all. 

Eve (starts). Woman's rights. Goodness gracious. I 
forgot all about Lester's speech. What time is it, Eliza? 

Eliza. Most nigh six o'clock, honey. 

Eve. I've missed his speech, and he was going to make 
it just for me. Oh, I'll never forgive myself. I must have 
slept all afternoon. 

Eliza (at C. D.). Here he comes now. 

Enter Lester, Clarence, Mike, Rosalie and Doris. 

Lester. You didn't come to hear my speech. 

Eve. I wasn't feeling well, Lester. Was it a grand 
success? 

Mike. Success. I should say it was. Everybody was 
tickled to death. He's going to be elected sure. 

Clarence. It was the best speech I ever heard. 

Rosalie. And the Suffragist Club sent him an armful 
of roses. 

Eve. Oh, I'm so glad. 

Doris. And everybody is pleased. 

Clarence. Three cheers for Lester Parmenter, our next 
Mayor ! 

All. Hurrah ! Hurrah ! Hurrah ! 

Curtain. 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given 



M. r. 
Winning Widow, 2 acts, 1J4 his. 

(25c) 2 4 

\yomen Who Did, 1 hr...(25c) 17 
Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES, COIMEDIETAS, Etc. 

AH on a Summer's Day, 40 min. 4 6 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

I5aby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 
15illy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min 2 3 

IJorrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

IJorrowing Trouble, 20 min.... 3 5 
Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 

Country Justice, 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 

Divided Attentions, 35 min 1 4 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 

Family Strike, 20, min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min.... 4 
For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 
Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in Photo Gallery, 30 min.. 6 10 
Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min.. 12 
Hans Von Smash, 30 min.... 4 3 
I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 
Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 
Is the Editor In? 20 min... 4 2 
Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 
Men Not Wanted, 30 min.... 8 
Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 
Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 
Mrs. Jenkins' Brilliant Idea, 35m. 8 
Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 m. 3 2 
My Wife's Relations, 1 hr.... 4 6 
Not a ^lan in the House, 40 m. 5 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.. 6 2 
Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. 6 3 

Regular Fix. 35 min 6 4 

Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 

Shadows, 35 min 2 2 

Sing a Song of Seniors, 30 min. 7 
Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. 4 
Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 
Two Ghost', in White, 20 min. . 8 

Two cf a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake. 20 min.. 3 2 
Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 
Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 I 



Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrotig Baby, 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 

VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES. iVION- 
OLOGUES, ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min.... 2 3 
Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 

Colored Honeymoon, 25 -min. . . 2 
Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min. 1 
Coming Champion, 20 min.... 2 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 

Darktown Fire Brigade, 25 min. 10 
Doings of a Dude, 20 min.... 2 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min . . 2 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. 1 
Good Momin' Judge, 35 min.. 9 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 

Tumbo Jum, 30 min 4 

Little Red School House. 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 

Marriage and After, 10 min.. 1 

Memphis Mose, 25 min 5 

Mischievous Nigger, 25 min.. 4 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 

Oh, Doctor! 30 min 6 

One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 
Oshkosh Next W^eek, 20 min . . 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10m. 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 

Si and I, 15 min 

Special Sale, 15 min 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min.. 2 
Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min.. I 

Time Table, 20 min 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... J 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min 
Umbrella Mender, 15 min 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 

What Happened to Hann 



A erea* 
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not fou' 
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Finely made, 
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A Partial List 

DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

Very clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Country School Dialogues. 

Brand new, original. 
Dialogues for District Schools. 

For country schools. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

Over 50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Humorous Homespun Dialogues. 

For older ones. 
Little People's Plays. 

From 7 to 13 years of age. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
Merry Little Dialogues. 

Thirty-eight original selections. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Original successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

"Ice Pieces for Little People. 

^ child's speaker. 
■^mic Entertainer. 

'ons, monologues, dialogues. 
'adings. 

<^ch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 
Speaker. 
nd poetry. 
'noon Speaker, 
ages. 
»s. 

"=-olks. 

^1. 




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Scrap- DuuK rt^bi kctbiw.w. 

Choice collections, pathetic, 
morous, descriptive, prose, 
poetiy. 15 Nos., per No. 25c 

DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 1 1 j'cars. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Invitations, decorations, games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drilLs. 
Good Things for Sunday Schools. 

Dialogues, exercises, recitations. 
Good Things for Thanksgiving. 

A gem of a book. 
Good Things for Washington 

and Lincoln Birthdays. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Cejebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pictured Readings and Tableaux. 

Entirely original features. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Sway- 
ing Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches, etc. 
Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip foi' fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jolcs, gags, etc. 

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